This random guy asked me if I had downs. I was like up yours! And I got out of his car.
Her dad smelled like someone lit a fart and burned their ass hairs.
How do you know one of your one night stands hasn't produced a child? You may have hundreds of kids.
Pretty sure I don't. One night stands are purely anal..no exceptions.
Sex should be hot, sweaty, messy, and a little painful. At no point should it involve tiny rocks
screw that ipod for my birthday.. i just want a weed brownie the size of my face. that's all.
how do i say "thank you for the blowjob, but never talk to me again" without crushing her?
i had confetti in my bra
i still find it in random places like a shoe or my car. that week haunts me
New bet. First person to fuck their girlfriend and narrate the whole thing in Morgan freemans voice wins. You are disqualified if she asks you about. My girlfriend is on her rag. U have the headstart. Your move...
Everytime Our professor said "penis fencing" in class today we took shots.
I found a picture of me as a little kid with nothing on except a towel covering one of my nipples and I'm glaring at the camera. Literally nothing has changed except I have boobs now
Just woke up with an entire pack of Oreos in my cheetah onesie. I've been waiting for this moment forever.
I felt like I was selling my soul to satan but then I realized I already pawned it for drug money
And he claims I gave him “fuck me” eyes while he was ordering me a happy meal
Wow. I hope you were either doing that in your sleep or blacked out. You threw up then covered yourself in duct tape... i wish i got that on camera
If I'm not there when the plane leaves, I didn't make it through security. See you at home! Vegas bitches!!!
Randomize
