I'd rather watch my mom take a shit while reading the sunday new york times than watch mama mia .
You never realize how many sex toys you have until you have to strategically hide them while moving out of your dorm.
I just paid a homeless man $20 for the dragon ball Z shirt he was wearing. I need to stop drinking
I don't know what happened to get you in this mentality. This time last year your were ass up on a hotel bathroom counter getting licked by a stranger.
Dude if our hands were ladels we could work at a soup kitchen
That would be so convenient
I really just want to stuff him in my purse, take him home, feed him pudding or applesauce and brush his hair. That's not creepy, right?
I just took my birth control with a water bottle I found in my purse with vodka in it in Spanish class. 10am is still too early for me.
Oh my god I forgot there were Band-Aids on my nipples
He stole all of his parent's vodka WHILE they were in the room, and then opened the window and snuck out. I was watching from my truck
Only I could host a baby shower where the cops get called.
this old dude from the bar is giving me a ride home in a van, his bumper sticker says " don't laugh your kids could be in here" scary world ou here
Mike's my new hero. There's a flagpole of hook-up's bras on his porch and a week's supply of beer in his fridge but he still has a great job.
please tell me you're the one making all the weird noise in the yard..
Honey you are a beautiful woman but I came over to eat your pizza and fuck your brother. And you're out of pizza.
Omg in one week, two guys with their own names tattooed on their bodies had their tongues in my mouth. Self loathing shall commence now.
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