I'm skeptical of all drag queens.
just walked by a lingerie store, the sign out front, "Specials for Father's Day", in no way is that just not wrong.
There is something about drinking on a golf course and getting with younger women that just really makes me feel at home.
It's like the Sean Connery of vaginas. You don't mess with it.
She was really sick last night--but i was too drunk to bring her chicken noodle soup after the bar, so went by taco bell and got her a chicken burrito instead
It's official, I've know hooked up with everyone I carpooled with in middle school
Just woke up next to our cab driver from last night. Please tell me this isn't happening.
She's like the Michael Jordan of alcoholism
I woke up smelling like the ciroc you tried pouring into my mouth last night. I think my clothes are still soaked
I cannot believe he got soft mid fuck. I just hope he bought that horrible impression you did of my dad. I love you though, you came in clutch tonight.
It was the least I could do after throwing up in your purse.
he told me he had a dream that he laid his head in my lap and silently gazed up at me. WHY AM I ALWAYS THE DUDE IN RELATIONSHIPS
Woke up pants less in the vacant apartment across the hall. It was unlocked because they were showing it to someone. When they walked in I woke up and said "this is a great place to live" and walked out
Yeah! Just remind me to. I'll also bring the blow up penis
He's at Disney with 4 kids and I'm drinking wine from the bottle in bed at 2:45pm. Does it sound like we're compatible??
Remind me later when I want to buy more drinks that there's a 20 in my bra
Randomize
