I'm having a terrible night. Can I sleep over?
Too tired to pretend that I care : (
for our anniversary he stepped it up a notch and bought cool whip rather than the store brand. i was impressed.
I knew I shouldn't have slept with her...my dick looks like a stegosaurus tail
Puked on a Tom Jones impersonator on the strip
New handbag passed the ultimate test. The walk of shame. I had a bra, tights, skirt, shirt & sweater in it and you couldn't tell. yessss.
Im not moving so it's going to have to be a 3 some.
If me getting shot doesn't get me pussy I am officially gay
I'm gonna eat you out with that hat on so it looks like beaker's doing it. And I'm gonna go "memememememe"
New rule for Thursdays: no high gymnastics
yeah, I don't think I'm getting into the baseball game tonight. The security guard definitely saw me bowl over that child.
Omg. We have to workout today. I just looked at myself in the mirror and thanked a god I don't believe in for drunken boys and dark rooms.
I've got five complains from the landlord about she being too loud during sex in two weeks I'm marrying her
Just had a threesome with my best friend and LSAT teacher...just checked three things off my bucket list in one night
We just fucked in the park on a bench and a guy with a dog walked past us and the dog walked right up to us while the guy stared at his phone.
I love you more than sex with randoms.... and we all know how much I love that shit.
Randomize
