I convinced her last night that my actual nickname was "No Condom John"
What did you want me to do? You know I don't like fat people. I'm an asshole to them sober it only gets worse when I'm drunk
That doesn't make it okay! You tried kicking the girl's mom out where we were having the party at!
Because of no shave november, it's no boys december... pay back
I just had a librarian tell me that "wikipedia is like sex"
When he expanded on the analogy it actually made sense. "you're going to do it either way, so I'm just going to tell you how to do it safely."
I may have broken a few toes and my face hurts. I do know that I pissed the bed so at least I've got some closure there
she scratched her sororities letters into my back when she was done. i think i was part of some sick game. sick twisted sexy game
So I'm at the VFW tonight and the shot special here is straight 151 for 2 dollars. They must hate our livers
This girl just texted me asking me to drop her cheese. What the fuck for that mean?
In other news, I'm pretty sure my mom was encouraging me to have a threesome yesterday... I don't even want to start digging in that garden of horror and trauma.
We helped him hit the bowl to the point that he didn't even have to move
Told my fifteen year old cousin's friend what to sext his girlfriend last night. He was scarred for life but she fucking loved it.
What kind of sociopath goes to sleep at 9pm when I clearly need attention
Let's just say, I will never again lick an asshole.
Wanna go get tea? Warning: I will be high in an hour.
ever feel bored AND lazy?
I call it "awake" but yeah...
Randomize
