He choked me out. i woke up to poo. I dont think i like S&M
weed salsa. i deserve a nobel prize
Just to save you guys the surprise, somebody shit outside of our door.
Should I tell her she gave me head in the kitchen while I was eating a cupcake or would that hurt her dignity too much?
You left me on the phone while you grabbed a plastic bag and started puking. I recorded it. Its my new ringtone for you
I'm not proud of how I threatened that 8 year old during drunken laser tag
Dude. Remember the only two rules I set for that? Always have a sober friend and don't do drugs with a fat chick.
Omg. The news was on TV while I was giving him a bj...when the weatherman said its a beautiful start to December, he groaned and said it sure is.
If throwing a bottle across the bar, hitting a skank in the head and not getting caught was an Olympic event, you'd bring merica the gold every time
I feel like every young boy's first wet dream is too have sex with the Pink Ranger. I am now fulfilling that dream for one man. I am a hero.
Holy Hangover.. I'm marrying whoever put this water by my bed
Just took physics exam. I think this is one of those 'chuck it in the fuck-it bucket and become an art major' days
She acted like falling "up" the stairs was a fucking physics phenomenon. I call that Tuesday nights.
I. Love. Skype. Sex.
I think it's just been too long since actual dick has been inside you that you only THINK you love skype sex
Did you put my shoes in the freezer.
Nope. I did however put them in the kiddie pool you pissed in in the living room before Tyler put them in the freezer. Ass hole.
Randomize
