I just hope my dad was drunk enough to not remember the whole convo we had about anal.
just woke up and this girl had my cellphone nestled in the front of her thong. i kept thinking "is this a trap?"
I tried to throw up out of my window but I forgot there was a mesh screen.
i almost burnt down an apartment complex. little busy, get back to you later
It's 4PM and I'm finally awake.. I'm covered in dog fur and shame. I'd say it counts as a good night.
i had the all of mcdonalds chanting USA as he motorboated you
Wackin it to the USA womens soccer team. My own personal way of saying job well done.
The intern claims someone glued plastic eyeballs to his penis last night. He going to show everyone in the conference room at 3pm. There is a $5 cover charge.
Oh my god i hate key west. No one takes amex and strippers took all my money
In related news, I couldn't want to blow you more if your dick made harmonica noises.
Remember that time I got suspended in eighth grade, well it was like that but I was on acid and wearing goggles
I'm not sure... But I think I just found a porno I starred in during my black out week of '08.
I'm pretty sure that the bartender arranged a marriage for me last night. Sounds like a legit birthday present to me.
Always a gay best friend, never a bridesmaid
So the remote for the camera in the photo booth must have gotten dropped on the floor. while you were in there. having a threesome. on the floor of the room where my parents stay when they visit me. so thanks.
Randomize
