Honestly I wish you never came into my life. I know I don't want you. But I keep trying to get you back bc of the memories
I don't see you I see the memories. All the time
we've reached the level in our friendship where i don't think he would rape me
You called information & said "connect me to johnny depp" when they told u it wasn't listed u said " try depp comma johnny he's expecting my call"
Jake just asked if thanksgiving was an american thing...I left the table
He's been dancing to the same Rob Thomas album in his room for almost 8 hours now. Please never, ever bring extacy over here again.
Making pb&j crepes. Using corn tortillas. So high. I don't know if I'm offending French people or Mexican people more.
We've shared an experience, my friend. I, too, have talked on the phone with a parent while giving a handjob
On the couch having a debate with the dog over whether eating anothr sweet roll will make the hangover better or worse
im not going to any frat parties next semester. for once i want them to think its actually hard to get in my vagina
Scratch that. Good bye liver, good bye clothes, good bye dignity. Hello awesome weekend
so some random man just messaged me on facebook "tig ol bitties" should i be concerned?
I just found out via Facebook that my old dorm room is now the free condom distribution room on campus...IT'S LIKE THE UNIVERSE KNOWS!
I will always make you feel special and slightly offended. That's my job.
My liver is screaming fuck you right now.
I just balanced a full glass of chocolate milk on my left boob. Don't think i've ever been more proud.
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