she was definitely wearing a bumpit. i think it was the hollywood bumpit. i told her that i lived with my parents to get outta taking her home.
You tried to convince our cab driver that your $2 bill was worth $11.70
What?? I'm covered in blood at the hospital, I atleast deserve a pic of someones boobs
I think a 5 ft pyramid of jello shots in honor of the egyptians is in order
We came back and there was a shotglass filled with what looks like blood. Come over soon, we're gonna try it out.
booty call birthday vouchers, best idea ever. it's like giving a present to myself for someone else's birthday.
I can't talk to her. I know entirely too much about her genitals to hold a conversation without mentioning them.
If I believed in "responsibility" and "having limits", I would probably say I consumed too much alcohol in the last 48 hours
I'm tired and starving, and I'm pretty sure I just cost the company 33,000 dollars...fuck you and you're "you'll love going to work high" nonsense.
We need to be on the same page regarding the 3some this time. No more "one of us should probably leave" moments.
Wtf are freshmen gonna think when the first thing they see in a pale 6'4 white kid with a mustache yelling ya man and we be liming in a Trinidadian accent
I'm pretty sure there a million tiny ninjas in my uterus poking me with sticks.
I'm in the woods tripping balls the water is rising why don't you answer me
He fucked me while wearing his night time breathing machine mask. Does this mean I joined the dark side and he is Darth Vader?
There will be plenty of opportunity for me to sexualize Mike via VenMo.
Randomize