Was going to watch Bolt. Fucked a stranger instead. Details later.
So you didn't like Bolt?
The things that come out of my body both amaze and disturb me.
i dont know why he would complain when i touch him there.
you told him you liked to chip your nail polish to look like different countries. im gonna guess that no, you didn't sleep with him.
We're having the conversation about what happened last night, all we can come up with is that we came home, drank two litres of lemonade, I took one of her seizure pills and we fell asleep with sabrina the teenage witch on
For future references, orgasms clear sinuses.
I would makeout with my roommate, but im not drunk enough and she doesnt like bacon fat
These flip flops mean I'm casual, but I'm here to fuck.
I'm still alive btw, in case you were worried about my well being.
Secrets from the porn industry: liTERALLY SHOVE A SEA SPONGE UP YOUR VAGINA GO ON DO IT
On a brief change if topic, last night I dreamt I got shit faced with bill Nye the science guy and we went bar to bar and explained the science of alcohol to everyone who'd give us free drinks. We wore bow ties
The prescription the hospital gave me for pain and nausea doubles for my hangovers... Maybe I'll hit up the ER more often
I woke up in his closet, with my shirt inside out and backwards, Rolos in my hand, a tortilla with a face carved into it stuck to the fridge with a magnet, a homemade bong next to the bed, and the door off the hinges... I need a chaperone.
We decided it was a good idea to go streaking through the campus. Everything was fine until the sprinklers turned on and we realized the keys were in his pocket.
Dude... this pee is not alleged
YOU SAT ON MY LAP!
Wuddup pee lap
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