See it, we're so close, i smell your vagisil
I'm ready for my liver to be the last casualty of 2009
i woke up to the sound of my roommate climbing onto my desk mumbling that she was going to bed
I wore a firefighters hat and drank beer all night. They had to drive me home after breaking the beer pong table, they told me I was welcome back tonight though...
Found the puke drawer
Celebrating anything "Eve" is never a good choice! I feel like my soul's been put in a blender on the "destroy" setting- in other news: Happy 4th of July
And if I don't get arrested for drinking and canoeing over the next 3 days, this hurricane will not have turned out anywhere near as well as I planned
Some lady just walked up to me in the bar and proclaimed that I looked like a "shady motherfucker." Can't argue with that one.
Benefits of having to stay in jail for the weekend: learned how to make my own make up out of colored pencils. Also how to make use of toothpaste for hair products. Downfall was probably getting hit on by a murderer. Only me.
My friend had to carry her up the steps on his shoulder, and then she got up, found an ironing board and set it up in my friend's room just in case he needed to iron things.
Serio, who the fuck falls down coming offstage wearing nothing but pasties, a g-string, and a fake moustache, and now suddenly needs a tetanus shot. Me. That's who.
I've had to take two showers today and it's not even 1 o'clock. Why won't this weekend wash off?
We are gonna have a bake sale and the preceded will go towards the abortion
I never want to even look at fireball again because it reminds me of the night I died and then lived to tell the tale of how I died.
Dude my roommate just peed out the window
Randomize
