Yeah....I really appreciate it....I didn't even get it from hooking up....lame, atleast if a girl gets u sick when u r hooking up it was fun in its inception...
I saw your purple underwear in the road this morning.
I am so stoned and my professor is handing out candy. I love Halloween.
Somewhere out there, someone is getting laid. And then theres me, watching Star Trek porn while my roommate plays World of Warcraft next door
Swear. I think after passing out in a community college parking lot I can safely nominate myself for the piece of shit of the year award
We did it and he fell asleep and I was bored so I decided to go back to the party...is that bad?
yeah he was eating me out and i didnt know someone made popcorn so I thought the smell was comming from my vagina
wtf
hey, this is the drunk ass freshman from last night. thanks alot for helping me out last night, i'd probably be on some lawn if it wasn't for you guys! and my mom says thanks for talking to her
He's tryingto open a beer with a Police baton. Cut him off or see where this leads?
There's a mouse. In the house. By the cans. With some pans. Release the cat. To eat his hat. Sorry about the mess. Of my breakfest.
No but seriously, there's a fucking mouse in the house by the beer cans
Ive seen him cuddling a giant inflatable seahorse. Nothing could be creepier than that.
New discovery: pineapple flavored vodka. Life made, liver in jeopardy. Graduation t-minus 50 minutes.
I just woke up tangled in fishing line while wearing someone else's bathing suit with fishes drawn all over me. What kind of sex did we have?
we shared soup. that is literally the extent of my romantic life right now
Hypothetically speaking, at what point does fire become too much fire?
Randomize
