Ben affleck wants to be a US senator. Just thought you would puke with me
Text me right after you finish, I want to know how the ghetto fleshlight worked out
How about I just call you while I'm doing it so you can hear my reaction?
im shaking like a drug addict and i almost just shat my pants when i sneezed...no more patron for me
Then he told me he was 40. I'm not sure if I have enough Daddy issues to go for it
someone put bongwater in my humidifier again THIS NEEDS TO STOP
Naturally, I just peed all over the floor. Two guys in front of me looked at me, but i just shrugged. They won't remember either.
i don't think my dad can get all that mad since he got arrested for almost exactly the same thing last weekend
First booty call in Europe.. In Barcelona. With a German. In broad daylight.... Is that how they do it here?
if there is one thing you splurge on it better be nice condoms
Wow it must be so difficult to be as popular as you are and smoke as much weed as you do
gay sex achievement: unlocked
what
you told me you were going out for groceries!!
WTF I can't even get a boyfriend here and you're getting nudes from across the country
I may have broke the toilet masturbating. On a positive note the floor is really clean now.
I wanted to make my beer stronger so I poured vodka in it. Why god....why
I am confused/concerned about the circumstances that led to your consumption of 3 beta fish last night.
Randomize
