Dude you called me last night to let me listen to you piss in a cup and drink it. Just making sure you survived
How the fuck did I get small bruises all over my body?
Well you were laying on the couch naked after the girls left, staring into space, and I went over to the pool table and threw every ball as hard as I could at you from point blank range . You didn't flinch, blink, or scream for any of them. next time maybe you won't fuck my girl while I'm taking a shit
I puked all over his apartment, then slept with the skinniest girl here. Which isn't saying much in Ohio.
Does anyone know who that girl who fell backwards and broke the shoe rack with her head was?
I had no idea a 5'8 girl could fit entirely on her knees in front of the passenger seat of a Sunfire, but I am very happy to now have that knowledge.
You're right. Single life welcomed me back with open arms. It's like it knew it wasnt going to be long when I left.
It's home.......I'm going to the store in disguise to get skittles and cake frosting. Then I'll eat the frosting in a dark corner while I cry and wonder what I did to deserve this.
My roommates call me "Queen of the Skanks" I guess that means I've had a successful first month of college.
She's like the Jonah Hill of sorority sisters.
When is the right time to ask your new roommate for her school schedule so she doesn't walk in on you fucking some rando in the kitchen in the middle of the afternoon?
I think it's important to not involve Bar Food in any near future decisions.
Thx for last night. I've never had so much fun while being told my life decisions are questionable at best.
Great... now even my dreams are making fun of me
Last night I had a dream that a man with an ice cream body entered a bicycle throwing contest and won.
Our orgasm ration was 1:45. No. Fucking. Joke. I thought I was going to die.
Randomize
