your head's too prwtty to be stuck in the books
I'm about to cry with happyness at the beer that will be consumed
I've been watching too much manswers. Cuz i know scissoring doesn't work on a motorcycle.
Technically this isn't a church so we could have been drinking this whole time.
I'm handcuffed to the toilet. Don't ask
Remember that foreign guy who never talked last night? He just came out of my bathroom when I woke up.
Getting up is taking longer than anticipated. Alcoholic fish bowls have made getting out of bed a multitstep process.
I'm setting a 12:15 alarm for a taco bell run. Be awake or never wake up again.
I just got woken up by some Christians who wanted to talk about the bible. ways to make a hangover even worse for a thousand trebek
Her roomates have been scoring her hookups. I got 8.9, best of the week!
I will have you know I turned Latino David Arquette down for sex because he's married. Total. Moral. Victory.
Flo's in town, ain't she.
Bro I just got a hand job playing tiny wings.. Hell yea
I just put condoms in a mason jar because it looked prettier than the box.I think I've peaked.
I'm really excited to meet your new dude! But we really need to find out if he's your cousin first.
He's really cute...He stopped talking to me because i pulled my skirt up and peed in a demi plie position...
Randomize
