so i just saw your dad embarking upon a biking journey in full reflective gear
...this stays between you and me
I've slept with so many tools that you'd think my pussy was Home Depot.
i just assumed he broke up with her because she wasn't a freshman anymore
I positioned my bed perfectly so around 10 a.m. every morning there are rays of sunshine coming through the window in my room. Now i can tan while PTFO.
I found a ladder. I don't know where I am. Gonna climb it. I feel like aladin
the wall and i were having dominance issues.
So he was supposed to be helping me with my math but instead we ended up drinking coconut rum in his basement and having sex. I think my mom was right, getting a tutor will be good for me. Relieves the stress.
Like not in a "I wanna have sex with you way" more like a "I wanna cuddle your mustache way"
there is a guy passed out on top of me and i don't know what to do. help if you're awake? was anyone anyone expecting someone? maybe he found the wrong room?
The psychic I saw today told me NOT to text the guy I haven't heard from yet since our first date this weekend b/c it wouldn't go anywhere...Miller light said otherwise. Miller light > Cleo
In other news, last night I told somebody they made eczema look so good they should call it sexzema.
I lost Mario kart three times but I got laid so it wasn't the WORST night I've ever had.
Based on the conversation I'm going to assume you didn't close the deal.
It started going awry when I fell through a roof.
I'm eating Arby's in the bathtub because I'm an adult and I do what I want
AND ONCE AGAIN THE HENNESSEY MAKES ME A SUPER SAIYAN
Oh for fuck's sake, is that why the couch is in the pool???
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