Sexting assembly today. Fuck yes
i'm out of smokes so i just had an after sex popsicle. this might become an addiction.
is it sad that i think every plant i pass on the highway looks like a plant from farmville?
I am pretty sure I told him the clouds were earth's purest filtration system and that snow was the rarest and most delicious water in the world. My lips are burning because we ate so much.
And I can taste the vodka through my ears. Good god.
We're both on the slippery slope toward middle age...and really shame riddled bar experiences
My night ended with Em alternately crying and throwing up in the arms of a guy wearing a cutoff and a tiara. I sat holding a garbage can and wine glass full of water wondering how our night got to this point.
I'm mumbling to people and trying not to accidentally shit my pants
it says 'tasty bitch' in sharpie on my tits...
In the wise words of Scar: "be prepared."
Do you think Scar was a Boy Scout?
Giving the guy pizza was a good idea. Leaving him naked on the pool table makes you my hero
WHY IS SHE PANDERING YOU, A SIMPLE GOBLIN, TINY WEENER PICTURES OVER STATE LINES
I just ate apple sauce in my underwear. This isn't 30. This is 3.
He literally ejaculated and I hit Uber
I knew the bike rally would be fun when I saw "male pole dancing" on the schedule
Randomize
