I'm not unpopping my collar. This shirt is too expensive to crease.
That's when you crack a 10am beer
so i'm sitting in his room drinking tequila from the bottle and watching harry potter. he's jacking off to some porn a couple feet away from me. at one point i look over and see that he's watching me instead of the porn. please help me figure out how warped it is that i found that romantic
The only problem is i have violated all potential new years resolutions at the new years party.
I just ate a whole bag of celery instead of getting up to get a glass of water. That high.
My ex just called and told me that he is on his way to the hospital because he popped a vein in his dick. Should I go to the ER with him or class?
I traded my shirt for vodka. I wonder if my parents can pinpoint where they went wrong raising me.
It's totally ok to sleep with him. The only place I have feelings for him is in my vagina.
You know you drank too much last night when your mouthwash tastes like water
What is a foreign vacation of stupidity without some fake names?
Walking in on a gay threesome, with a girl in the corner watching and taking vid is a reason to not only knock, but to never go to Savannah.
I also woke up on my floor. Naked. On a pile of clothes. With my head in the trash can. And a sheet over me.
Wanna bang and Pregame work? I know you're the manager just promise to not fire me
If I die write a nice eulogy and bury me with my star wars bobbleheads
I broke my wrist trying to give him a blow job...
And this is why we can’t have nice things
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