There is a man on the balcony beside me who claims he is a triceratops. He roared and asked me for a cigarette, telling me he'd eat me if I refused. I love college.
Just heard a guy discussing with someone else the amazing blow job you gave him. I’m in New York. Over 2 hours away from where you live. I have never been more proud.
You know you hit rock bottom when you make out with a guy named after a cereal.
Jus posted an album so big that it takes my manhood into question
yeah that always happens. i'm like the where's waldo of parties. i never even know where the fuck i'm at.
I don't know what you're talking about. I just drank beer out of my own bellybutton by doing a backbend and letting it run down my body.
its official. the only way for my hair to look good is to blow somebody
If this week is any indication of my life here I've got to get out ASAP. My liver can't hack it.
He came when Ron Burgundy started playing the jazz flute. How do you think it went?
there is a guy passed out on top of me and i don't know what to do. help if you're awake? was anyone anyone expecting someone? maybe he found the wrong room?
You told her that she shouldn't be allowed to wear clothes then when her roommate asked if you like her you said "no I just want to insert things into her"
I stand by it.
I just rolled over in bed and felt a bump. Turns out it was a lil nug. Talk about being princess and the weed.
There's a woman at the bar holding a baby with one arm and doing shots of GM with the other. The baby is crying. I have lost faith in humanity.
Looking through my moms phone and find a pic if a dick. Scarred for life.
Not at all! I'll let your potential employer know you have a huge dick
Randomize
