he's having a long distance Facebook-coordinated power hour. the status update has 159 comments ...
If we could never, ever tell mike i pissed in his closet, that would be really really great
I could see myself reflected in his wedding band as i was going down on him.
Use motel 8. I'll give you my credit card #. i'll pay for it cuz i care about your vagina.
I think my whole family judged my ability to change under a blanket.
In a moving vehicle and other people in the car
I hope after we constantly bang for 2 days straight we can agree to be friends again
They came over the loud speaker and said "no laying on the dance floor.." I thought i was dancing, but apparently that's just the way it started out.
He knows whenever I get drunk I'm going to call him and make fun of his major. Its like a reverse booty call.
Honestly I am too high to watch videos of you jerking off right now
I can't adult today.
Take a nap and try again
I have to buy a couch. There's nothing more adult than buying a couch on a Tuesday.
Being pregnant feels like you have a hangover everyday.. Don't listen to what anyone says about how wonderful it is
I PUT IT IN THE UNIVERSE THAT I WANTED TO STAB HIM AND THEN SOMEONE DID! KARMA IS A BITCH AND SHE IS BEAUTIFUL!
Omg my brain. Most recent thought: I fucking prayed in the bathroom that the other girl would leave. Prayed to Jesus
I just found a bag of chex mix in my clutch
You were feeding it to the bartender last night
How's the party?
I'm watching two people get flogged. Sothere's that.
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