well my last 2 orgasms were over shoe sales at macy's. what does that tell you?
he just kept going up to random asian girls and yelling at them for breaking up the beatles
It's not prostitution until you're out of college. Right now it's just strategic boning.
i'm so sad bro, I can't get any pussy. I'm so sad
Just bought a beer belt to complete the Captain America outfit. I will do my part as a hero of America to pass out beer to the good citizens of America.
I somehow ended up with a bottle of red wine in one hand and white in the other and would drink them at the same time. Ruined
I remember now some guy came over and hit on me and poured peppermint schnapps and chocolate syrup in my mouth. Pretty sure he was dressed like Santa....
I'm currently looking through google images of circumsized penises and realizing how vital pre-marital sex is.
I'm sure me singing - rather loudly - "fuck me in the back seat" last night didn't help either.
You have not lived until you have drunkenly grinded on your mother. Daughter of the year right here.
dont know how to tell my grandparents I woke up in a frat house in the wrong town and that's why I can't see them today
I'm kinda glad you won't be in Vegas tomorrow because you'd make us go streaking or throw dead animals at them.
i just used a selfie stick to take an ass pic. i hate myself.
Thanks for listening. You're the first guy I've ever worked with who I didn't want to fuck.
he called her and asked for me. he wants to do dinner and a movie
her booty call wants to take you to dinner?
Randomize
