Just had a conversation with Jon gosselin
Until you fuck him in front of his kids stop wasting my time with stupid texts.
captain morgan taught me last night that resee's puffs are way better when eaten straight out of the sink.
When he was fingering me, it felt/looked like he was digging around for pocket change.
Hungover Fun Fact #4: Eating a grilled stuffed burrito WILL make you blow chunks in the ice maker at work.
I've awoken at 3am again, in a night terror, just thinking about how big his dick was.
Please tell me your aunt didn't see the Brita pitcher full of condom wrappers. We had at least 100.
Guess whose mug shot is NOT on the Internet anymore?!?!
When you get to his house tomorrow, follow your instincts. Find the cat first.
He came up to me looked at my tits said they were huge, rated them a 7 and then asked if girls really do masterbate. To make it better, he put his hand up to my face and said his penis is longer than my face...
she came back from her house with A paper cut , a 2liter of sprite with Bacardi , and half a mustache . we're inviting her more ofte
And then you refused to pee in anything but a sink
Blacked out and showed everyone my nudes. They toasted to my nudes, and I got an outstanding ovation.
OMFG. JUST WALKED IN ON A DUDE JERKING IT IN THE MCDONALDS BATHROOM
Stall or urinal?
was having sex but got distracted... he instragramed a pic of his crotch
God... We're terrible. I'm so proud of us.
I know! It makes me feel all warm inside. Or maybe that's just me getting closer to hell.
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