You wanna call me after your homoerotic shower?
So I was talking to her on the phone last night and had to mute it so I could take a crap.
Side Note: My mute button doesn't work.
I just heard a woman call her child a butt face. Repeatedly. He's crying now. I love walmart.
I'm at a party watching some dude try to eat a whole package of Oreos in 5 minutes.
Fell off bed. Face first. 10 stitches. huge scar on forehead. totally going to start telling ppl my parents died fighting Voldemort.
No. Do you know how much this carpet cost? If she comes over, you put down towels this time. i'm so not kidding.
A guy wearing a hard hat while floating the river. It's the most responsible drinking we saw all day.
Please tell me why your entire hallway smells like microwaved condoms.
Watching the tv in the reflection of my phone cause I'm too hungover to roll over.... Yes it is 4 PM...
You were on shrooms and "the trees are crazy green!" is all you could manage.
i cant believe im seriously wearing his ex girlfriends underwear right now
Oh my god i hate key west. No one takes amex and strippers took all my money
end of the world party next friday. virgin sacrifice. tell me you know someone whos still a virgin
Worse than that. I caught my roommate jerking off to a topless stripper in gta 5.
Yo did you say we are blacking out saturday night and playing dodgeball?
Yeah for relay for life. Its for cancer
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