just realized I'm too high to take the plastic off a slice of cheese....
the sex wasnt even worth changing my sheets
She was giving me great head...... until I asked her how much this was going to cost.... she left abruptly
i realized really quickly that drinking a bottle of vodka and 3 crystal light packets wasn't the best idea i've ever had
I sent him a pic of my tits.. All he said was, "oh your sun burn"
You insisted on drinking champagne out of the dog bowl
Is it wrong that I want to take the baby bump in her facebook pictures as "meal-ticket"?
So I went to daintily fall onto my bed like I was in a hotel commercial and I completely missed my matress and landed on my floor. Just thought u should know.
Also, sex on a first date is no, right? Really, I just don't want to clean my apartment, but I'm trying to hide behind "morals" in an effort to appear less lazy.
I mentioned your name at this party and some girl started crying.
I woke up to his balls in my face, so naturally I limboed under him and headed to the bathroom. When I came out he was asleep on the floor.
He also wore a doorag last night so i had to swipe left.
I found a used condom in my purse this morning. It was in there with a bunch of smushed french fries.
He corrected my spelling during sexting.
Was make out with a 38 year old lesbian on our bucket list? if it was you can go ahead and cross that one off.
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