Hey it's Austin.
I am not drunk enough for this conversation.
I just put my retainer in and it tastes like weed
If i could bang her from 80ft away, I would
Just passed a guy passed out on a riding lawn mower in his front yard.
The question of "Will I eat a piece of curried chicken off the floor?" has been answered tonight.
dude she looked like Newman from Seinfeld I'm done with this wingman shit
Yea I've gotten enough hickeys in my life to know what I'd look like with a neck tattoo. I think I'm getting a neck tattoo.
Idk but she keeps giving me s'mores and I'm having a hard time caring about her alcoholism because of it
It is unclear if my flaming esophagus is hangover induced.
One failed naked backward somersault off the bed and I realize - I either need to drink less or workout more. Perhaps both.
She tried to sing jingle balls while blowing me
My body is telling me there was tequila. My pictures say it was Jeff's fault
I left my ice cream out over night, it's melted, fuck this, I just poured Bailey's in it. Problems solved.
It was all like "my feathers evolved from scales of a reptile bitches!!" and I was all like "damn this chocolate milk is AWW SOOME!"
So do you guys remember Danny from Tinder?
Sorry I only remember personality traits, not names.
Randomize
