I feel fat after drinking my meal replacement shake.
I added chocolate sauce, a bsg of m&ms and a crushed up brownie to make it taste better.
It was like a little tadpole swimming in the big ocean.
I'd like to come home and be able to sleep in a bed that's not filled with crumbs from you getting too high and passing out while eating. This is seriously getting ridiculous.
we made it to hole 3 and then just sat down on the fairway and finished off our case....cheered on other golfers as we let them play through.
So I vaguely remember making out with you this morning, I think you were on a date?
I feel like the other woman.
You ARE the other woman.
in my defense i said 'lock up your wives' before going out.
Notice: I will be intoxicated and in your area this evening. To unsubscribe from my sexual solicitation list, reply 'fuck off'.
How could you give up sex for lent? I gave up religion for lent years ago and never looked back. Or give up civility, not sex.
I just got head while watching air force one. Harrison ford would be proud.
I'm not really sure if I peed the bed last night or if the cat was trying to get back at me for using her litter box last weekend
This is the third time my roommate and I have drunkenly hooked up. I'm starting to think she's not as straight as she says she is.
You grabbed my arm, said "I need you" in a very concerned voice and dragged me to the other room where you were blasting Evolution of Beyoncé.
I just masturbated in the tanning bed stoned. Best decision of my life
We used to bone, but now she's my life coach.
Randomize