I found a pair of size 15 female undies on my floor?? is that big?
You know if a vagina was a face, it'd be ugly as hell...
there should be a rule- if you jizz on it, you wash it
My brother and I both agreed that your boobs are fake.
i'm out of college. that means no more sex on a twin bed. ever. i don't care how big his dick was. i'm classy like that.
Apperanlty I was screaming "It's hard to swim with a broken ankle sir" and then tackled the lifeguard. The joys of blackouts
Tried to eat a sandwich this morning. Couldn't. My jaw is locked up. These marathon blow jobs are killing me
I tried exercising today. I ended up masturbating to the Wii fit trainer.
I am going to be fat forever.
I have a date tonight... Like a real date... Not the kind where you just go over to his house and have sex and then never speak again.
Thank god for makeup because it looks like someone took a shit on my face
He just fingered me to the Lion King soundtrack. And when he left he turned dramatically and said "I'll be back after work. Be prepared." Taint ALL the childhood memories.
WHY IS MY CAR MISSING A DOOR YOU BITCH
budget cuts
YOU CANT BLAME EVERYTHING YOU DO WHILE DRUNK ON BUDGET CUTS
budget cuts are serious business
At what point lastnight did a lens fall out of my glasses and nobody tell me?
you haven't really lived until you are in a situation where your vagina is hanging out
this is the 3rd time this week I've gone to the liquor store to stock up for the next 2 weeks
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