i'm at a stripclub and this bitch just lit her nipples on fire!
You and your empty threats of no sex. Like.u.cud.hold.out.
Made out with some random "plus sized" young lady. She let me kiss her boobies. It was like I was 6 months old again.
can you pick me up an extra syllabus
i passed out in the shower again
woke up on my stairs with half a hot dog beside me and the last text I sent was "i make hot dog in toasTer" .
But like now everytime I pee I just think... wow I had sex with him on this toilet.
Haha its fine we ask know it. He's still cool thought
Focus on the keyboard man. Focusssss
i found you in bed eating fish fillets dipped in chocolate pudding
What happened to fro yo and sex?
The album on my phone containing gross pictures to send when boys ask for nudes is now substantially larger than my normal photo album. Because I send one every night
Why does fireball set life on fire? Your insides, your head, your behavior...
that was the most beautifully crafted sentence ive ever read that involved the phrase "genitals or whatever"
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog.
i woke up with blood and cuts on my face and i don't remember anything after winning four games of beer pong in a row last night. and i'm still drunk.
you are a true champion. bear my children.
Ok fell asleep on a bus in south Carolina just woke up in Canada where the hell is the liquor store from here?!
Randomize
