I feel like our house is getting pulled over.
woke up to moans and hushed"we can't do this with him in here." hope they had a good time
Just bought purple Ray Bans. If there was any small chance that I would ever have sex with women ever again, I just buried it.
Party in the USA is so catchy!
Yea, so is AIDS.
Why was I handcuffed to the roof?
It was easier then trying to explain why you couldn't fly
If a Romanian girl's marriage isn't considered legal in the US then she's fair game right?
The guy in the next stall screamed courtesy flush and then puked. Bless you Vegas
haha she has always seemed a little off. when i met her i was told she was the queen slut. and she had a crown on at the time. it seemed appropriate.
I promise not to drug you or anything. Please come to my birthday party.
he doesn't even text me anymore.. he just facebook chats me a shark emoticon which has turned into code for 'be naked at my house in 15 mins'
So do you remember the bartender that caught me when I fell off the bar 4 weeks ago? He hasn't been to work since...Woops.
I got so many dick pics last night. It was like a slideshow from heaven.
I just sneezed and margarita mix and ash came out of my nose. I love jersey
I know he's only a bandaid for my emotional disrepair, but he can stick me anytime!!
i woke up face planted on your ottoman..thanks for letting me sleepover
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