Waitress cut us off at Chili's bar. New low
Well now that I've given all the athletes mono there goes our chance of winning any conference championship
Although, to be fair, I am both willing and going to lick marshmallow fluff off of your dick.
Well you just missed the ten chi o pledges singing la bamba at our doorstep.
My stepdad and I just tag-team hit on a server at McDonald's. This is the man I should have grown up with.
Accidentally gagged on my toothbrush and puked up a Walgreen's cheeseburger. 1) I am not going to be on top of my game tonight. 2) Since when do I have a gag reflex? 3) Walgreen's cheeseburgers are awesome.
I mean it's like...I'm sorry I slept with your boyfriend but is it my fault that he failed to mention you when I was giving him head in the Dave and Busters bathroom?
There is so much wrong with that sentence
Yeah there really shouldn't be a bar at D&B's...shit gets real
Hooked up with an ex Playgirl model. I feel like the universe just high-fived me for staying sober.
He started french braiding my hair while I was blowing him. The question is not why, but how.
What did you two do last night and why did Sam send me a picture of your dick?
I'm planning our wedding on the computer and our threesome on my phone. At the same time.
He also needs to focus on not being such a little bitch, but that's none of my business.
I should probably add her on Facebook for as much as I cheat off her in Physics, huh?
Did you just affectionately call me a scrotum?
You were so drunk last night that you fell thru the bathroom door at the bar, ripping it off the hinges in the process. But, your birthday tiara stayed on thru the whole thing. I'd call it a succcessful evening. Happy birthday kiddo!
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