I hid 4 bags of cocaine in your house. Have fun finding them
I'm going to but the new Playboy with Chelsea Handler on the cover. I'm pretty sure it's the only time buying a Playboy will make me gayer...
easter eggs filled with ecstasy. it's what jesus would do.
So the dentist told me I couldn't suck on anything. She emphasized ANYthing.
Your like the Mozart of blow jobs, you make every other girl seem like cheesy elevator music.
Sudden realization: I dumped him because he was too immature, yet I am the one who moved back into my parent's basement post-breakup.
I'm so sick
I would imagine. You did most of your drinking for brazil last night.
That and I think I got food poisoning from sharing nachos with that homeless guy..
you took a potato out of your pocket and just started eating it raw. don't know where the potato came from though
21st birthday = success
By the way if you come home and I'm not wearing pants, just go with it. I didn't have the energy to go searching for some.
I did a hand stand against the glass wall at Ziggy's with no panties on and got 3 phone numbers. Thank God I shaved this morning...
We could get her a gift basket of Xanax l
I don't think I've ever met a guy with a bush bad enough that I would choose a cactus over it.
I want to wait until after I get laid before I ask him his political affiliation. Just in case. I'm so desperate I would bang a Republican
Needless to say, I did not go home with him cause he kinda resembled a guppy fish.
I need to stop being so honest when I'm drunk. I got proposed to by a stranger again last night. It's not my fault that I would be perfectly ok making sandwiches and giving blow jobs for the rest of my life.
Randomize
