Great News, you CAN smoke bowls with a magnifying glass
someone lit off fireworks while I puked in the street. I was like congratulating me for making it through homecoming.
he grabbed my head and said "you are a horse. I am leading you to water" pushed it down and whispered "Drink."
I think we should roll her a welcome back, sorry your godmom's on life support blunt.
5am, I am wayy too drunk for this. Hookers came out of nowhere. They're like ninjas. Some poor soul got the fat one, tomorrow's going to be interesting...
That girl from the bar sent me a text saying that she wants to wear my cock as a hat. A cock hat. Is that good or bad?
Woke up this morning naked, wrapped in a bath mat with a wad of singles on the table. I'm calling it a win.
I walked home with him, but I had to pee...so I did...as we walked. He was so drunk he didn't even notice. Good thing I was in a dress.
it was also funny because at one point I woke up with my hands tied with a belt and we were both like what the fuck
Omg last night I was giving shots out like I was the Willy Wonka of the alcohol world.
You threw a handful of caps into a pitcher of Heineken and asked everyone if they wanted to go "bobbing for molly"
Why so philosophical about cake and sex this morning?
I'm on my way to bail our sister out of jail with our mother's credit card. How old are we??
Don't worry. I have logic.... just not morals.
Your participation in the democratic process makes me horny AF
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