my mouth tastes like poor choices
you kept falling over in mid-conversation and you just got right back up as if nothing happened...
Nothing says "I forgive you for puking on me during sex" like a Facebook add the next morning...
#1 RULE OF DRINKING: DELETE YOUR EX'S NUMBER FROM YOUR PHONE
No more drinking with Em. She was on the ground so much she looked like she belongs in a lifealert commercial
He wanted to bang in the work van while we were on shift together. He convinced me with "It's like the Scooby Doo van but looks nothing like the Scooby Doo van."
You tried to fight everyone, so we kept having her take her shirt off. You were sufficiently distracted...
I saw your relationship status and wanted to write "Now you can fuck with some peace of mind that she isn't giving that other guy she met online a handjob."
You went through my pantry and left one of everything in the box. One cracker. One cheesit. One piece of cereal. I really fucking hate you.
When was the last time you made a good decision when you could've made a shitty one
I had a salad today
Screwed a girl without a condom but hey at least you got your veggies
So our trip to Disney World ended in the three of us stripping at a gay club in orlando.
So much easier to puke and rally now that my gluten's under control
we are the apple cider girls!
I apparently tried to wax off my nipples.This explains the pain
Your Vodka Saturday privileges have been reduced to Beer until you go a full month without losing an article of clothing.
last night you said that you wanted to hold my dick as you slept because it was like having a stuffed animal.
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