I hate it when you make eye contact with someone bcs you are about to make fun of them and they take it as a hint to come hit on you.
i was watching some porn this morning and i realized i am blessed with a truly beautiful vagina
shes a baton twirler.. i expected her to be better with her hands.
tell that swedish kid i didnt take his shotgun. he GAVE it to me.
Woke up to pictures of me cooking wings with a blow torch.
I had no idea a 5'8 girl could fit entirely on her knees in front of the passenger seat of a Sunfire, but I am very happy to now have that knowledge.
Well yes but because of that incident i now salute to truck drivers
I will never in my life forget you letting the cat lick your tongue
I am dressed. And we didn't do anything. He's gorgeous and tall tho. Something nice to look at when I'm hungover
There's always a certain something about a day that begins with your panties in your purse.
You know what's fun. When your getting a new mattress and you forget you put your vibrator under your old mattress and the moving guy finds it
Not too bad but came home early cuz business was shut down due to an employee sexually harrassing the inspector
You rope them in with the looks and the boobs, and I'll bore them into submission with random trivia. We can't lose.
Last time I was your wingman I had to deal with a girl whose only interest in my body was to clip my toenails. I'm not interested.
But did u die
I found an onion in my purse
Randomize
