can't make this up: he's writing lyrics for the musical reenactment of how he met her @ an anime convention to perform at their wedding. yes, there'll also be dance routines involved.
She didn't talk for 45 minutes. We finally convinced her to open her mouth. There was a flower in there.
Frozen pudding on a popsicle stick. Bill Cosby would be so proud of drunk me.
He's bought his dick a cell phone. A cell phone. For his dick...
He gave me the number and told me that I if I want to hook up again, I have to call his penis.
Just spent the equivalent of my life savings in the liquor store. This is going to be a good weekend
And apparently I was the one that started the drunken make out session that broke the window
High me just had to pick the lock on my sisters room because I locked my vodka in there. I love vacation.
The cop left me alone after I gave her my spare snow cone. It was a hot and humid day and that uniform looked stuffy. Yay stoner me for overindulging in icy treats.
mom had to come pick me up from the hotel. I crawled to her car. She told me the entire way home if I puked in it I was going to lick it up. Like high school all over again...
I'll pass on that plan. The lack of my penis in new vaginas is no where on the itinerary.
Have fun in Vegas! Be safe, use condoms, and take a pic of Jon beforehand to give out when he goes missing. It will help the police.
I snuck in through the doggy door to get his vodka. Do you think my ex will know?
I don't know when he had the time to do it but he dug a hole in our basement like the shawshank redemption
i woke up half naked on someone's pool lounge chair in a house that i don't know, with someone's phone number scrawled on my stomach. why do i hang out with you again??
You just listed two reasons.
The dogs decided to play a new game called "Who Can Scream the Loudest?"
I won.
Randomize