Last night started off great but became the saddest day of my life when i was drunk in a hotel room eating day old mac and cheese out of a yatzee cup with a coffee lid as a spoon...
and my herpes radar will keep us safe
remember when jerking off was fun and not a neccesity
Just picked them up. It took 6 holes and a handle of rum to evolve from golf to a demolition derby.
There's an entire pit crew of cart boys surveying the golf cart destruction.
stop bragging. last time i got laid i got double pink eye, and it was so not worth it
Half of elefante. Gelafin galaxy
Reason 37 booty call break ups suck: I literally could not find his house in the daytime.
It's a sign that no dudes december is about to start: I have a yeast infection.
Im eating these cheese filled pretzels. So good. Theres jizz dripping out places i didnt even know i had.
Drunk me wrote a bucket list last night. #4 is "hate fuck a childhood enemy". Can we make this happen?
Dude. I've never been with a guy who just wanted to go down on me all the time including while I'm shooting zombies on call of duty. My life is complete.
Did you go to church in Texas and sign me up?
You need southern Jesus
Are there rules against fucking your ex's dealer?
My life. Always pantsless and occasionally topless.
I deserve a medal for being woke up at 6am on my day off by your mother asking where your brother is
Randomize
