we put the last xanax in the middle and played hungry hungry hippos to see whod get it
fair is fair
dude i've broken up a marriage, I think I can handle a simple engagement.
tell me how i ended up in the movie theater alone with a bottle of smirnoff and a bendy straw.
we're going to dress like we're asking for it, because we are
Dude. The walls are totally staring at me right now. I told you this was a bad idea.
Next sat night Titanic party. Bring your floaties, trashy necklaces, and a large lung capacity. This ship is going downnnnnnn.
You did that scary laugh you always do when you're blacking out except she's never heard it before and though you were choking and screamed at all of us when we didn't call an ambulance
Def over. He sent me a nude selfie but cropped it right above his junk. Total Silence of the Fucking lambs looking.
His cat kept scratching my feet while we were having sex. There's only room for one pussy around here. It also concerns me that he owns a cat.
I just bought a butt plug on Amazon prime day and you're the only person I felt would appreciate that decision
The date did not go well. Turns out I once set her brother on fire.
Your girlfriend agreed to a threesome, I saw dogs in a bar. It seems life is falling into place for us
He's nice and all but I think I rather masturbate my way to happiness instead.
i think ive been high everyday since ive met you
I honestly think sometimes all you need is a $2 alcoholic punch poured from a jug into a big glass to feel better. I guess abblebees is my new problematic fav
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