i have a strong urge to join the asians in the park doing tai chi. I think im still high .
Don't judge me. Haven't eaten all day so I'm in my room sticking my finger in peanut butter, then jam, then my mouth.
There was no way out of it, seeing as I left my photo ID right next to the vomit.
We've done the math and the dogs tails are wagging at a rate of 3000 wags per hour. Stoned.
There were so few words spoken that I'm not sure if it was make-up or break-up sex.
We got the idea to smoke under his bed because, and I quote, "it'd be just like going camping"
I'm pretty sure blacking out is a coping mechanism.
Seriously, come get him. He's not even a person anymore. He's a loud, drunk, cock-blocking wrecking ball.
Um of course I blew him. He brought me a shamrock shake. It was two o’clock in the morning on St. Patrick’s Day. There was no smoother move basically. He totally earned that head.
He's a forty-something balding gay man with no boundaries or sense of social norms. Of course we should befriend him.
Using my graduation announcement box as a table to roll a blunt on. I've official stopped giving a shit about senior year
Last night at a party someone grabbed my ass so I just fucking punched them in the face then went home and ate a frozen pizza
I have more important things to worry about than you drowning your cheerios in tequila.
My ex's sister asked me to be her date to Thanksgiving. Should I go?
Threesome!
About that photo of the cake you just sent. You do realize it’s on a glass table, right? We can all see your reflection in it, and you’re very obviously naked.
Randomize
