There's a man in a pair of gray footie pajamas and a paper crown watching the kids at the playground. It was easier to tell who was a pedophile before Where the Wild Things Are came out.
I need a booty call who doesn't know my boyfriend or my friends.
I went up to get a drink from the hotel room. And ended up getting arrested in the lobby. Spring break has not been forgiving this year.
Oh, and that ugly chick transformed into a veritable goddess when she came back at 3AM with a handle of vodka and 100 chicken wings
He bought me dinner. He gave me his jacket when I was cold. And then ate me out in the passenger sear of the car.
Ssssssssssshhhhhhhhhhhiiiiiiii!iiiiiiiiiitttttttttttttttssssssssssssshhhhhhhhooooooooowwwwwww. Letters for emphaSSIIISISEEEE!
Can we be in one of those super weird relationships where you carry me around everywhere?
And I wasn't prepared because its been a very long and lonely season and I wasn't expecting to find dick at Press Box trivia night....
Trust no bitch in laser tag. Not a single one.
He said the main reason he fucked me was cause of my storm trooper tattoo. IT ATTRACHES ALL THE HOT NERDS
You're seeing with your vagina, not your eyes.
We were fucking in the boat on the lake when another boat saw us and honked their appreciation.
I'm so bored I talked to the Bible guys for 30 minutes.
I offered them beer last time they came here bahaha
I like to be the stable force in your otherwise chaotic existence.
He licked the buffalo sauce off my fingers and then we had the best sex of my life.
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