Ok seriously, can we bring back badminton?
so i realized that everyone figured out i was a slut before i did. then i realized that no one felt like telling me. sometimes i think you just keep me around for entertainment.
you're right.
you kept telling everyone that you were the mayor of silverware town
Just saw a bouncer shoot a stripper with a squirt gun. He looked at me n said,"gotta keep em in check." I'm in love with this place
Trust me. My penis has made more than enough decisions this weekend.
It's 11am on 4/20 and I'm already in urgent care.
now that I know that you did coke with your mom I can't look at her the same
He said it was fake. Like really? Hey baby, I wanna sleep with you, so here's a picture of a fake tiny dick
DONT YOU DARE DIE YET THERE IS SO MUCH SEX TO BE HAD
You were petting your bowl of cocoa puffs and shushing it softly while staring at the mirror
Your normalization of crazy is frightening.
Status: mom bitching about grandma not shutting the fuck up, while not shutting the fuck up. Dear Jesus give me strength or more bourbon.
danced like there was no tomorrow. surprise. there's a tomorrow
My aunt just dropped me off at the bar, handed me $50 and told me she'd pick me up later if I needed her to. I should've gotten my license suspended a long ass time ago lol
5 am booty call not ok. The fact I actually went over definitely not ok. My vag needs to learn some control.
Randomize
