I have a walk of shame I should be getting to. "Hey, by the way, what is your name?" is not a conversation I want to have today
Is it awkward that I've slept with every guy in this room?
Only if they know about it too.
Are you seriously drinking already? It's 11AM. Still morning.
I'm going by McDonald's time. And since they stop serving breakfast at 10:30 and start serving lunch, it is now afternoon.
on the way home I asked you what exit we get off at and your answer was "just like the goldfish"
I saw you sitting on top of my car trying to row back home... Did you make it?
Omg. Some dude is jacking off in Kelly's bathroom.
I am just going to stick my boobs out and hope for the best
It started as ''I want a romantic life right now'' text. It ended with pool table sex.
I woke up and found cookies in my purse. It's a 12/12/12 miracle.
I just bought us acid. I'm like the drug tooth fairy. Get ready to wake up with a sweattart of acid under your pillow.
I just need some dick and some jimmy johns
Boobs have been pretty central in my life somehow lately which makes me question if I am truly gay
Sometimes in life you just have to realize the security deposit isn't worth it.
I feel like I don't even know what's gonna happen when we first see each other. It'll be like explosions and glitter and a unicorn will run by pulling a sleigh of alcohol and sex.
The smell of pee and coconut conditioner still makes me think of him
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