somehow on my way home with matt, I ended up straddling steve on the sidewalk and polling the people walking by on whether or not we should have sex.
Woke up in a pool of alcohol sweat. Probably could wring out my sheets and make a decent cocktail.
I feel like one of those toads that you lick to get high or find a prince.... cept when you lick me you find a drunk whore.
So she just apologized to the fire extinguisher.
He likes Jesus. Game over.
Oooh wait, he just told me he was high.
I started making my dollar bills into rings for the strippers
Okay good. I don't want another mom thinking I got their daughter pregnant.
I am expending an amazing amount of energy to not throw up right now
I don't understand how these people can do extreme gymnastics and I have problems walking up the stairs.
Woman at starbucks on her computer with a garbage bag of popcorn and a bottle of lotion. Where are you coming from?!
YET AGAIN, my financial planning for 2013 consists MOSTLY of eating chipotle as "brain food" and drinking Heavily before the Jeopardy contestant test.
some kid lit a j in the bar tonight. i was in awe of both his boldness and the severe beatdown he received moments later
Yeah I mean I think I need to stop living off of snacks and alcohol
If there is a heaven, that's what it will be. Bagel Bites and cunnilingus.
On another note- any interest in going to a gay bar to hit on 19yr olds?
I want to strut with the confidence of a pigeon.
Randomize