I called her the wrong name twice and she still called me back this morning. DO I still wait two days to call her back?
I hope i woe up in your car, or else i stole someone elses and slept in the back seat
the fucking easter bunny is here. he just made 3 cups in a row. no one knows who he is..
i wanna anger bang this girl behind me at work. she never shuts up with her annoying voice. but her boobs are phenom.
he ran me a hot bath. i thought i was in a pot and was going to be eaten. i was strangely ok with this
Company party. Just told vp "you look like a cat person"
In an unknown location. With a giant marshmallow stuck to my back. Hello breakfast.
Yaaaayyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyy! It has more than one y so my intentions to sleep with you after the drink special ends are clear
She bent over while grinding on me on the dance floor and her thong straps were hanging out, I thought it was a good idea to grab the straps with both hands and pretend to be riding in Santa's sleigh...not my brightest moment.
Everyone heard you having sex but I just told them you were having a nightmare.
why isn't there a kind of gay where i let guys give me head but they don't expect me to give it back? i could be that kind of gay
He was that good?
Instead of asking him how many women he's slept with I just got straight to the point and asked how many Plan B pills he's purchased
I understand why animals eat their young in the wild after watching your kid this afternoon
I'm wearing jeans from 7th grade and drinking a fucking macchiato. This better be a good day.
Why would you ask him if you could lick his chest?
He has a very lickable chest
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