Any toy can be an adult toy. Location, location, location.
I'm not saying he has herpes, I'm just saying he slept with my friend that has herpes.
I'm tempted to see how fat I can get before he leaves me. It's obvious we're playing a game of chicken here.
I threw a jar of pickles out the window at a police car, why was that not a good enough reason to put me to bed?
Woke up with a migrane, threw up blood, then my headache went away. I'm going to convince myself that it was just a bad batch of blood so I can drink again tonight
We were confused who drove until we went outside and her cupholders were torn out of the dash and laying on the ground
On the plus side this hangover is the tipping point that finally convinced my lazy ass to get some sunglasses.
This is going to be a 3 day beach sex fest. Do you understand
No no, there's drunk and then there's 'spooning with lawn gnomes' drunk.
I had a dream about masturbating with toys I can't afford.
My sex life and finances are equally in shambles.
I found your wallet in my underwear drawer......... Don't worry I don't plan on asking any questions
my talents include tricking people into giving me money and free drugs
But I've also made plans to crash a black tie event wearing a storm trooper helmet. I think I've found the love of my life..
I just found a bag of chex mix in my clutch
You were feeding it to the bartender last night
On a scale of 1 to 10, with 1 being “good” and 10 being “banging a student’s father”, how bad is it that I’m banging a student’s father?
Randomize
