all adderall does is make me the grand champion of using wikipedia.
threw up during christmas carols. the audience at the church seemed to immediately know i was a college student
Sometimes to bang a cougar u gotta play wii With her kids
my summer class's final was canceled bc it interfered with the world cup. he is giving us all A's on it. I love europe
it was the drunk execution of a sober decision, and its much more tasteful than the first mullet
Pretty sure he sprained my tongue. This is why you don't hook up with gingers.
Are the transvestites working the counter tonight? Last time I was there they gave me love advice.
I should not be this drunk in a place where a girl is wearing a princess dress
Vodka, rum, moonshine, I don't care, just bring like 5gallons.
WELL THEN WHAT DAY IS IT?!?! This whole having to choose between ruining my future and ruining my liver is totally killing my vibe
He got up after sex and said "is it wrong if I say happy Mother's Day?"
idk what to be more embarrassed/confused about, that i lost my underwear or that i woke up covered in fried rice
Think i may just have managed the saddest high-five in history. Finished a sudoku and high-fived myself, then looked around for somebody to high five. there was noone. forever alone.
Family acid trip. They're welcoming me into the family.
What. The. Fuck.
Family acid trip.
you were shouting "me peeing on him is the closest he'll EVER get to my vagina!"
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