its like his balls were made of silver and he was trying to polish the tarnish off
what if every blade of grass was a penis?
I literally just watched a girl motorboat herself
take it from a girl who woke up with a girl in her bed... you were not that drunk.
I hope so. I just start to question my lifestyle when i pee on coffee tables
If you try to operate on me with a Bic pen and vodka, I'm never talking to you again
THIS ISN'T WORKING THIS IS THE DRUNK LEADING THE DRUNK
I broke my arm trying to do a hand stand in my shower to wash the hate out of my asshole.
It's titled "A countdown to death. A psychological look at the downward spiral of actress Lindsay Lohan and her inevitable Hollywood demise" This dissertation is genius. Not a single sober moment for either Lindsay or myself. Good stuff!
Also the fuck cup must be buried with me
Before you started puking your brains out, you took a moment to give me the correct order of the Harry potter series
I mean, he'll either figure it the fuck out or set my apartment on fire. Either way, it will be entertaining.
I woke up at 5am on my couch, naked, with a cereal bowl of water next to me. Apprently, drunk me thought I was a kitten last night. Super impressed I slept next to the bowl all night and didn't spill a drop.
I'm her ex, so unless you're interested in her massive moral failings and open season vagina, I'm not your guy.
All right well I’m making her sugar cookies and sleeping with her husband tonight. Just another manic Monday
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