So apparently I shook her hand very polite, said weiner and walked away
our night together was a product of my beer goggles and jennifer aniston-like desperation.
Well no need to be a stranger, even if you aren't interested in joining my bisexual polygamist marriage. New city, new friends.
Apparently I blacked out and pissed all over the sliding glass door from the inside, as everyone watched from the outside helplessly....
I wish Samuel L. Jackson would narrate our bar crawls
How is it that you get into at least one taco related fight a year?
I honestly can't remember your justification for putting peanut butter on your cell phone.
I made $80 at the club last night by telling him he was like a wild pony and I just wanted to tame him
I woke up with a stapler in my ass. Don't even complain to me.
I'm honestly considering asking her if I can eat her out, as a friend.
woke up in the back seat of my car with a naked chick and my brother tapping on the window. yup, what a night
My purpose is to unleash drunk self on strangers, i believe as some terrifying icebreaker, otherwise i too would offer my driving services.
Just check with her if girls can get blown, that's all.
Also, McDonald's breakfast is now 24/7. This is it. This is how I die. Face first in a pile of hashbrowns.
Every text my dad sends me is an AA mantra. Might be time to take a look at my life.
Randomize
