She was wearing a shirt that said "Just Do Me", holding a half of a bottle of Vodka, and was screaming at her friends "PUSSY JUST SWALLOW!" before she chugged the rest of the bottle.
Dude, if you don't take her, I will.
The cardboard box in my backseat wasn't strong enough to keep your pee contained. Come clean my car.
Just watched a drug bust from the Ralphs parking lot while listening to Frank Sinatra. Happy Valentine's Day.
She said I walked up to the McDonalds counter and ordered just a cup full of pickles then proceeded to offer some to everyone in the place.
I cannot believe I said bareback movement...
I'm pretty sure that when my parents bought me those savings bonds they thought it would go towards something useful like tuition. Not your bail.
I told you I'd buy you lunch.
Just had a threesome. Girlfriend wasn't a part of it. Broke up with her by sending her a picture of it. Hell is going to be awesome
You know you are 86'd from the legacy right? You can't down shots then spike the shot glass
You were drunk it couldn't have been that bad
I've never been drunk enough to enjoy getting a blister on my dick.
I be dancing. See you soon. You can drink tequila from my pants.
I just need to drink whiskey get off and eat some cheese. Why is that so fucking hard for god to deliver.
I mean, you have to swipe right on someone you had sex with last week though, right?
friends are allowed to bang on New Years, I read it on the Internet somewhere.
The highlight of the trip was definitely my dad telling me that I "used to be his prettiest daughter."
My mom said "I saw the signs you guys were high, so I made the spaghetti"....so ya, I'd say she definitely knew
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