awoke with 47 plastic lawn flamingos in my bed and on surrounding floor. explanation?
you said they were your minions of evil that protected you from ferrets.
Alone. In an inflatable pool. Drinking vodka and raspberry lemonade. I don't need approval as much as I need to know you love me still.
You know, be my cock's hype man.
Your one and only job is to make sure I am on that bus tomorrow morning with no cat makeup on my face
So his "youporn" cam totally caught me stealing quesadilla leftovers.
I'm mentally preparing my vagina for this semester. It's fucking welcome week. I'm going to be talking to her all night.
Drinking gin at a party, riding a giant inflatable walrus all around the living room.
I don't want a mention or even a whisper of a Shakespeare Festival by that or any other name including, but not limited to, a fucking Renaissance Fair. Are we clear? It will be a DEALBREAKER .
Looks better than the half a blow job I got the other night which I had to finish myself. From a chick I refer to simply as "mom jeans".
I have to take tonight off from shenanigans. My liver is planning a coup
I just need to drink whiskey get off and eat some cheese. Why is that so fucking hard for god to deliver.
Dude of course I want to. Your penis is beautiful.
We were ushered out of Medieval Times by a squire for making out in the torture chamber. Children were present.
I was giving this fat lawyer a table dance and he asked me if I would be willing to play with his long, hard stick of the law. And you want me to stop drinking at work?
My nipples are raw, I've yet to go to bed, I feel like death, and I'm at work. Thank you jack, crown, and Lafayette!
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