His idea of a romantic evening was shotgunning Keystones. What a keeper.
just hooked up with an air force officer in a hotel room paid for by the military. i feel like i should go around thanking taxpayers for the assist.
when my professor asked "does anyone know what streches across south america" and a kid in the back row said "my exgirfriends vagina" i knew i was at home.
if he only knew that in between each sext i was puking.
I forgot to tell you thank you for putting me out when I was on fire. im sure I'll laught about this someday...
He's going to regret telling me he doesn't care if i shave or not...
Hahhaha I literally just rolled outta bed and went to get beer in my pj's and slippers. God I love graduating
Roommate is high and swore off off the diet. Said she wants to make everyone else fat since it'd be easier. She spent today baking 3 dozen brownies for the office tomorrow and is already down to 24.
I knew you would eventually ask my secret. Pedialite mix drinks. Works wonders.
We looked in every room for condoms... It was the sexiest scavenger hunt ever.
I was just randomly reminded of the night you were wrapped up in a bed sheet carrying a full bottle of cookie dough vodka and warning neighbors of the weirdos running around
I'd let you fuck my husband in the future, that's how much I love you
New vibrator arrived today.
How was it?
Who are these wee mortals we call men?
Why is everyone judging me for telling the cat a bedtime story?
Sorry I didn't call this morning. Ended up with a decorated war veteran last night who besides finding the enemy, KNEW where the fuck my G spot was. He gets a medal in my book!
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