I woke up with my 26er down my pants and a peice of paper stuck to my forehead with gum that said "tell it to the greek goddess beside me"
so my doctor just swabbed my throat, and he looked up in suprise when i had no gag reflex. yea, he just judged me.
When I got up in the middle of the night, puked in his trash can, and snuck out the front door, I pretty sure he knew it was over.
I've known you for the past two years. You never kid about biology or alcohol.
Shaving my legs with an ankle monitor on is surprisingly more difficult than the drunk driving that got me here
Every bar we ever go to has a woman there who hates him. Getting so much vagina has never seemed so not glorious
What exactly do I say to a random stoner hookup to thank him for ending my dry spell? Is it awkward to just say "Thanks for that. It was well needed."
Lol I screamed "GOT AN ORDER OF VERSACE TACOS UP" and the whole kitchen was just like who the fuck is this kid
should we try and roll a cross joint since its good friday? you know, for jesus
It has now been 10 days since we last saw Sebastians penis
Be quiet or buzz aldrin will come beat you up with science
Dude on a beach in sicily and a blonde jesus just smoked us out and then tried to makeout with me I am never leaving this place
Update: tequila girl had her hand down groomsmen pants
Accidentally made a bowl of macaroni and cheese with a bottle of vodka. It's not that bad
Yeah totally passed out in their trash can last night.
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