I don't think its a good idea if I moon a whole bar again
Hahaha alright after 5 shots I'm not allowed to touch glass or boys with girlfriends.
she walked out and i tried to get her to come back but i couldn't remember her name so i just whistled... future reference: that doesn't work
Too bad they don't have an emoji symbol for condoms and 99 cent tacos
Bombed my 8 a.m. exam and the liquor store doesn't open till noon. Drinking unfinished beers from last night till they open.
Your dad just texted me? He said I needed to holler at him when I get up tomorrow. I honestly thought you had somehow gone to jail.
They're making him take his shirt off cause they think he's the bouncer. We're in his backyard.
I'd be careful with that one, she got 86'd from the family dollar while SOBER.
She just made out with a golden retriever. I'm disgusted and turned on all at once
Do you think if I tell the hot Santa at work that I want a sugar daddy for Christmas that he'll get the hint?
Do you remember our dinosaur noises from last night ? Breaaaahhhhhppp
Did I send you a naked snap the other day with a fat blunt in my mouth with the caption "$1200 bitches!" ?
Did he think I was flirting with him when I ordered a hot dog bc no
Do you ever get high and look at your cat and feel like you know them on an intellectual level?
Remember when we got high off our ass and you talked me into running in place then punched me in the face and said it was a wall?
Ya, you were bleeding for an hour and a half
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