saw my dad's penis on the x-ray last night. at least his hip wasn't broken
she was so hammered she started drinking dishwasher detergent
I dont know whats funnier - that, or that we learned that poison control is closed at 2 AM
stranger just walked up to the fridge at the party, took the hawaiin punch out, drank it straight from the bottle, looked at everyone who stared in awe and said "im fucking thirsty" and put it back.
dude, i think we just came across a situation where tits weren't worth it.
you grabbed the waitors dick and yelled '2nd base' and then he gave you his number. I hate your life.
On campus. Grown men in women's sexy bee costumes. Complete with legwarmers. This cannot be real life.
You can identity the picture as me the mistress his wife and him. It's that kinda awkard.
No. I'm drinking straight up vodka right now. With a pineapple in it.
That'll put some boobs in that bra.
I don't know where he learned to eat pussy but I thought I was going blind
That bottle of wine took a part of my soul with it.
I can't wait til I'm a real grown up and am no longer expected to take 7 shots of raspberry ruby as a pregame to a night of drinking natty lite
I think that thing where I have 2 boyfriends is happening again
Just thinking about this summer makes me feel a slight tingle of an orgasm mixed with a twinge of regret as the cold ghostly feeling of multiple hangovers creep into my body.
My life hurts
I woke up 30 minutes away from the bar, my car was at a train station, and when I got home all I got was the speechless head shake
He told me that I should keep my socks on next time because he read somewhere that it'll help me orgasm...
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