she's in the bathroom. spitting in the trashcan. not throwing up. just spitting and singing bad romance by lady gaga.
thatta girl
He is drunk texting me begging me not to tell my mom. Pretty sure he is about to offer me sexual favors for keeping my mouth shut. I love being the boss's daughter.
I've never had a better reason to do blow of a Pittsburgh strippers ass than to try and keep pace with my dad.
You just kept insisting that you and the homeless man went way back, and that you bonded over how cold you both were.
Listen I know you hate her for what she did but this is getting our of hand. Please please tell me where you hid her wedding dress.
I feel like I'm eight miles away and my brain is just now getting here. You got a lot of fucking catching up to do.
I feel like I just want to take a shot of jack, have sex, and shoot myself in the face. In that order exactly.
Next time a random bus filled with santas pulls up to the bar, I'm not getting on it.
Please tell me I made it home with both shoes on
Nope
Well, she yelled at the stripper that she couldn't lick whipped cream off his nipples because she is lactose intolerant.
I tried to bring you in when you passed out on the porch but all you said was that I "ruined your hope ands dreams of becoming an astronaut"
I forgot to tell you that he serenaded me with "Fuck Her Gently" by Tenacious D. And I didn't hate it.
Do NOT approach him. He has sex with everything. LITERALLY everything, and I DO mean everything. He's so horny we once caught him with his dick in a pumpkin. A legitimate honest to God pumpkin that he bored a hole in
I was so drunk, he put me to bed and went down stairs to hang out with his friends. Apparently, I was curled up in the closet, spooning the dresser when he came back up.
My boob job is like a master key that gets me in any door, any party and anyone’s pants! They’re magical!
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