I hate bills.
Like ones you have to pay or people named William?
apparently farting at a cop is considered assault.
halloween is SO much better on drugs, why didn't anyone let us know about this when we were kids
Remember that foreign guy who never talked last night? He just came out of my bathroom when I woke up.
Pretty sure I'm taking the break up well. Alcohol made me okay with it and drugs keep me agreeing with why I dumped him in the first place.
If I asked you to guess what I'm doing right now how many guesses would it take to get to really high eating an apple bumping techno
Got high with dad and hunted squirrels in the basement. Is this seriously what my life has come to?
Don't mind me. My boyfriend is carrying me because I'm broken not because I'm drunk.
It's not even 9:30 yet..
My favorite thing about your netflix account "suggestions for you" section: Russias Toughest Prisons is followed immediately by Strange Sex
Is he gonna be my crazy ex? Cause we weren't even together for as long as my weeklong bicurious lesbian relationship.
I've got to stop being so hungover that I puke in the fine establishments of this glorious town.
I was eating leftover taco bell in bed at 3 in the afternoon. I can't throw any stones
I blasted the Halloween Before Christmas soundtrack last night so my roommate wouldn't hear me having sex. Needless to say the sex got a little weird.
he called me his ex's name during sex then proceeded to cry while still in me
You know you suck at relationships when you are sitting in the airport on Christmas day, alone, swiping on Tinder.
Randomize
