i mean i cnt help that this campus has the highest STI rate
Most of the time people just stick whatever they want in my mouth. Thanks for letting me decide this time
Did you write "I hope this gives you aids" on my box of capn crunch?
I'm just sayin' man be careful, that chick has castration written all over her.
remember how i yelled at you for inviting that coke dealer to the party?! i found the $100 bill they were snorting with in the couch.
..new slutty dresses or booze? i won't even waste time with the i told you so.
Brian got his first ever blow job last night. We should make him a scrapbook.
I hate having to put a bra on before I go home cuz I have to pretend I actually went to class today
Trying to figure out what I just puked. Demon weed is salad. No more drunk buffets.
You're about to makeout with my vagina, I don't think she cares that you haven't brushed your teeth. Just get over here!
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
You didn't try to help me when I fell on the dance floor. She brought me cupcakes. You're a shitty friend, suck your own dick.
He kept singing Happy Birthday to himself, yelling at the bouncers for not letting him in, and telling them his "father will hear of this." He was like a drunken Scottish Draco Malfoy.
dave might be using McDoubles to pay for dances
he has gotten at least 7 lap dances out back
You have to commit to sexting. You can't just quit right after I send you pictures of my asshole.
Seriously, come on.
I feel like there's a picture of my ass on the internet right now.
I hate you.
I told her I wanted to go swimming and she responded with jello shots, taking off her clothes, and jumping into the pool...I think I'm in love
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