dude i dnt kno how, but i think theres a tampon in my butt
just turned my empty handle of passion fruit smirnoff into a fish bowl. I love college.
My friend is getting herself a tramp stamp that says "property of the half blood prince".
Sitting on the floor in my kitchen eating taquitos. Being this drunk the next day has lost its allure post graduation.
So he ended up throwing a watermelon that he stole from the cafeteria saying "if i cant have it no one can" of the 5th floor.
In 30 minutes I will have been sober for an entire month. Time for a celebratory lap of cheap alcohol that leads to early liver failure.
But happy liver failure. That's what counts.
I forgot that I thought it would be a good idea to hairspray my toilet seat last night after I took 12 shots of vodka so when I just went to pee, I stuck to the toilet. Never drinking again.
Just got a blowie during the Avengers. It's weird knowing that the high point of your life just happened.
We had hangover sex and then I called a taxi home. Told him I didn't want his number because, if it was meant to be, we would fuck again. He called me the queen of one night stands.
Hooked up to multiple episodes of Even Stevens last night. What the fuck.
It's not so much that I'm giving her money because I threw up on her floor. It's more like I'm paying her to never ever mention it again.
Dude just the look on his face when she sat down next to him, threw one leg over his, and just said "so..." was fucking amazing
Of the 4 nights I've gone downtown this week, I've been "piss in the parking lot" drunk 5 times
i like him enough to wash my sheets.. but not enough to finally get that pink lemonade and vodka slushy stain out of my carpet
Can I come over?
Sorry I gave up dick for lent. Hit me up on Good Friday tho
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