# days @ Coachella: 1 people i showed how to break it down: 279
Why does it say "go to Planned Parenthood tomorrow" on my dry-erase board?
you were so drunk you slurred your pauses
I just busted my ass on the ice in front of my entire AA meeting. As if being there wasn't embarrassing enough.
Just don't lie down.. Throwing up upwards is NOT cute the second time.
in the morning i found her name, number and address on one of the empty pizza boxes. also said "ps. if you find my shoes please mail to me."
it was such a weird mix, KFC and penis
If a Romanian girl's marriage isn't considered legal in the US then she's fair game right?
It's like we come as a package. Your slogan should be "be in my family, sleep with my roommate."
My slogan can be "bonding the family together. One dick at a time."
I let my daddy issue flag fly free last night.
I want morning sex. We can incorporate maple syrup into it somehow, it'll be fun
It's always great when the guy I get pills from sends me an email that says "I know you will get clean it's going to be hard but I know you can do it"
I hope none of us try to run for public office one day
Just don't let me do two things: Beer bongs filled with vodka or shot competitions
My boss asked me what was wrong today and I really wanted to tell her I woke up too late to smoke a bowl before coming in
Let me guess you did your hair instead? Has anyone told you about priorities?
Randomize
