Obv we're gonna bbm each other in bed
I'm bringing a flask to the test on friday. If I'm gonna fail at least I can enjoy the experience
Seriously, I was a high class hooker. I was snorting shit Rachel, white powder, lines formed with credit cards, the dudes house was beautiful. Magnum condom. Adorable puppy dog. Pretty sure at some point I was sleeping on a washing machine. Boxing Gloves.
Those were the highlights of my night.
I feel like butter and tequila would be excellent combination. Right now. Please do this in my name.
Bright side: maybe hell start being nice to you now that you know he has erectile dysfunction.
My drug dealer just asked me to go see Les Mis on Christmas. Should I be worried this is some type of musical set-up?
thanks again for a nice night (and please don't fuck my boss)
come over. We can flirt with the criteria for substance abuse and talk about our daddy issues
Is it weird to wish your favorite hooker "happy thanksgiving"?
I mean I know I'll get over it by like tonight but ew ew eww. I cannot. Dude I don't even know his name also I threw up on his penis
We were all having a bath, the three of us, then that drug dealer guy walked in and peed. Sitting down. Apparently he didn't want to offend us.
I didn't think you wanted your identity stolen along with your dignity. My mistake.
I’ll always remember that day you sent me that random nude on accident lmao changed my life
Only thing I have going for me is jacking off, weed, and saturdays
Had to trim my nails cus they got too long to effectively finger myself with
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