i have a new swear word: supercalifuckaliciousexpialadamnit
if reincarnation is for serious, i better be a guy in my next life
with a huge shlong
massive. i wanna make bitches cry
just wanted to thank u for shitting in my dads bidet last night. i had to manually scoop ur shit out of it. btw ur dumped.
Apparently Sundays are the worst days for your friends to get their head split open and need stitches...there's only 1 doctor on duty
I don't think he realizes it but he was stroking the faucet while he was talking to me.
I know. He gave me a hug and i was like jesus i can just feel the std through your sweatshirt
I swear she hasnt shaved since the last time we hooked up 5 months ago
Peeing off the roof of a motel lighting a cigar with matches and speaking fluent spanish with a chilen exchange student...how do iget into these situations?
His personality is sparkling but nothing beats his ass
Come back I feel like I ticking time bomb of
of drugs
It's like your nipple is comforting my nipple.
Glow Paint looked great for the Black Light Party last night, Tonight having a glow in the dark Pizza on my arm, not so much.
I had to write an apology letter to my roomate for hotboxing in our bathroom. What a bitch.
how did you set a fucking salad on fire????????
There is a fake eye lash glued to one of my balls.
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