TBS has betrayed me by telling me tyler perry is funny
while 90% of the female population goes to worship a fictional character tonight at midnight, I will be taking advantage of having the bars ALL TO MYSELF.
I decided that just having that story under my belt and being able to tell it to my grandchildren is worth the regrets of the evening.
We made a late night liquor run, made margaritas and bloody marys and then retreated to opposite sides of the house to drink them. Alone.
You guys make me sad
You misspelled jealous there
I mean you were pretty drunk at one point you asked if we could have a glass of water ready for you in case you choked while bobbing for apples, but you said grape juice was preferable. You can't choke on an apple btw
The spray paint was a bad idea, 'insert penis here' isn't coming off
it says 'tasty bitch' in sharpie on my tits...
FUCK... Pulled a chick from the bar went to her house passed out on the shitter. She lives in a house full of girls. They were making poop jokes as i left
My mom sucked on that joint like a nipple and she was a fucking newborn
I'm literally taking a shit naked holding a bottle of wine.
I would pay to watch a Bravo special of you getting Botox.
He was stoned and starts screaming, "I ain't got but a dollar, I wanna hear waterfalls!". Maybe he can hang with us....
I just made my mom buy me lube. I've reached a new level of broke.
His junk had piercings everywhere. The dick and balls. It was a fucking pirate penis.
We've been together for 10 months. These next 2 may be a deal breaker. He has not met the summertime version of me that is so hungover today that I cancelled a meeting with my boss right after she sent me an appreciation note saying I have great work ethic. I have her fooled.
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