Okay just took the preggers test..and im NOT! :)
awesome babe! drinks tonight!
Wait does the happy face mean yes? fuck.
Nothing is worse than puking naked in front of strangers
I seriously need to stop naming my lingerie sets after the boys I wear them for. I seriously just asked mom if she put Brett in the dryer
I told you not to have sex with her on my futon
I didnt dude, i swear!
either that or you were eating mayo, which was the second thing i told you not to do on my futon
Don't ask how, but I'm pretty sure my name is now on a lease to a taco bell franchise in maryland...
Great. My funeral dress now smells of smoke and disappointing sex.
He sent me an email apologizing for sleeping with her...and by that I mean he sent a picture of his dick to my school e-mail
Dear Derek. I would like to offer my sincerest apology for the 2 to 6 text messages you are about to read. Also for the 15 minute voicemail, which may or may not have sent. Sincerely, Sober Katie
Where would I incorporate "your boyfriend fucked the shit out of me last night" before or after Merry Christmas bitch?
You just said we could build a blanket and pillow "fuck fort." Of course I'm never leaving you.
He was president of his frat and had a clap on disco ball in his room... or course I slept with him
Exactly. Some of us want to get married. And some of us want to wear sombreros and do cocaine. To each their own.
Now you know my pain. Live with it. Own it. Recognize it. Cause its like shitting napalm.
Your mom won me $100 and you showed me your tits. Solid evening.
Just tried to dig out holes in my mattress for my boobs so I could be comfortable lying down on my stomach
Randomize
