dude this 15 year old girl saw our youtube vid and just facebook messaged me saying i was verry verry pretty. i have no schemas for how to respond to this situation.
woah 15?
i know! what is this dateline?
I'm smoking weed out of a trumpet
I just did a slip and slide down the hall way of my apartment building
Tie
I know she is the girl of my dreams bc she orgasmed, rolled over and then asked if I knew that Orlando beat Cleveland.
I've been reduced to Capt. Morgan and Golden Girls reruns. Ugh.
just wanted to thank u for shitting in my dads bidet last night. i had to manually scoop ur shit out of it. btw ur dumped.
hey, do you know how many packets of jello it takes to turn a handle of vodka into slutty girls?
the "its better than getting an actual virus from an actual porn star" argument failed.
So... Really random... You know we only exist cause Dad misspelled 'perseverance', right?
So if her brother fucks my brother, can I just tell her that anal sex is in her genes?
Most desperate stoner moment; dropped our hard earned resin ball in the sand, rinsed it off and then did knife hits in the kitchen cuz we broke our only pipe
Do you think the firemen will remember me?
Yes. But you were sloppy, sobbing, and puked on two of them. You won't get in their pants.
Came home to my roommate drinking a 40 in the shower. Chugging with his hair still fully shampoo'd.
Really though. It's your life, live it how you want
And I do mostly. Which is why I'm now drunk in my room writing erotica
I've never been so drunk at home. I just sat on the toilet playing with toilet paper for ten minutes, I almost made a paper crane.
Woke up in a house I don't know, with someone else's pants on, and wolverine hair, to my girlfriend yelling on the phone about the 4 girls I made out with last
Randomize
