Segways are the fanny packs of transportation. Useful in some situations, but you always look like a tool when using one.
and pubic hair rears its ugly head again
Whenever ur ready we need breakfast and a psychic.
I just won Halloween Walk of Shame Bingo!
Im sitting next to shitfaced santa at the cuse game. My plan to be on television is now flawless
Only your wife would write 'for deposit only' on the back of that $1500 check knowing full and well our capabilities of spending it on strippers and booze
nothing says roomie bonding better than a sunday shroom trip.
Everyone looked at me like I just fucked a gopher and was wearing it like a hat
Dad, is it in any way illegal for me to run around throwing handfuls of lucky charms at people tomorrow?
you're kidding right?
6 pack came off in the shower. Sharpie is not forever.
Remember when you tried to talk but you could only count by 2s?
WHY IS THERE A GOLD FISH IN MY BONG??
At what point in a new hookup do you tell the guy you need to wear a mouth guard when you sleepover because of your TMJ? Asking for a friend.
A good example of deductive reasoning: Knowing that when my girlfriend texts me "I promise not to smoke all your weed!" that she is...at that VERY moment...Smoking All Of My Weed.
Fuck. I think I can already feel tomorrow's hangover. It's like future me cane back to warn present me about the impending doom but didn't turn the time dial back far enough.
Randomize
