Car fucking is for special occasions like birthdays and bank holidays. Don't want to lose the magic by making it an everyday thing.
Haha he acted like he's never seen a tampon catapolt across the hall before
All I can think about is getting a lawsuit and chocolate
he's my ex-boyfriend's best friend... he tried to make out with me to prevent me from hitting his friend. then they almost fought about it.
teach me your ways.
just used my nephews bottle to take my birth control
Apparently you need a permit for a flamethrower.
We were playing hot potato with real potatoes at 3am
You can't possibly imagine how much I miss you. At least I'll always have that hidden folder in my computer.
Even though he was watching you pee on his bedroom floor, you kept denying it and saying he was dreaming
Grandpa got a dui while riding a horse. This is what I need to live up to.
those were not strange pants with a really large waist band...it took me 3 days to realize I was wearing someone's sweater as pants
I think when Jesus turned water into wine it was a sign that we should get drunk off Sangria tonight. Do it for Jesus. He died for your sins.
it is basically gonna be an ugly Christmas sweater rave
That's pretty intense. There aren't many people I would pick over a burrito
Is it okay to get drunk at a baby shower? ....asking for a friend
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