I woke up and my panties were thumbtacked to his wall. Out of my reach.
How do you wash franks red hot sauce, whip cream, grapejuice and shame out of silk?
I would just throw it away. You cant just wash out shame, it has to soak for like a month.
can we take a shower together?
no need for the romantic shit. I'm a sure thing
med student doing my blood work at the AIDS clinic just hit on me after I told him i was having unprotected sex, but didn't think i had HIV.
In an m&m suit playing manhunt drunk. And you thought you werent guna have a good time
I'm pretty sure that when my parents bought me those savings bonds they thought it would go towards something useful like tuition. Not your bail.
I told you I'd buy you lunch.
I'm cuddling with a baby pig and drinking champagne right now.
Made out with a chick in front of a girl I'm banging and successfully reDENNISed her within 9 hours
So the next three days will be henceforth known as the 'celebration of the end of the most irresponsible years of my life' be prepared to wake up naked in a ditch.
come home. I need you. I'm too hungover to deal with this hangover alone
The night got interesting when the random guy next to us handed us a bottle of champagne and the rest of his ciroc bottle. When we asked why he did it, he proceeded to point at his friend who face planted the floor.
Do you remember telling our cab driver you were going to fuck a penguin?
Imma make him fuck me with my jersey on tonight while I chant Go Jets Go. Gotta love playoff hockey szn.
I'm pretty sure I smell like alcoholism and shame. And it's not a pretty scent.
you started putting peanut butter on your pubes.
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