the last thing i remember is fucking her. GAME CHANGER i woke up in another bedroom to her younger sister blowing me
I woke up to ritz crackers on the lawn, a keystone behind the hedge and puke on the rental car... i think that we have become that house...
I just remember thinking that if i ran really fast through the house, no one would notice i was naked.
Also got home. Still stoned. Mom was up. We made a pizza and were writing a children's book. Sleep good.
Not sure if it is a new high or new low, but i left a basket on the porch of the sorority I woke up at. It had a description of the Minnie Mouse I woke up next to, and Plan B.
I tried to talk to him, but he didn't recognize me at first. I had to show him the top of my head and then he remembered.
My chiropractor just high fived me for getting drunk enough to throw my back out this weekend.. Life. Complete.
I'm scared to touch anything in this apartment. Even the ceiling.
Yeah, I got home from work at like 9:30, and he was passed out on the couch wearing only a tee shirt and The Jurassic Park theme on repeat.
I mean seriously there comes a time when you just need to take a crap in peace. Until he figures that out he can stay the hell outta my place.
that game of battleshots got way too fucking intense. why does the couch have burn marks now.
Just saw the pics from the bachelor party. When the hell did we go to southie. And why was there a chicken in the limo..? You guys really are my best friends.
Ya, It's probably because whenever I close my eyes I see a kitten playing a banjo.
My dog just blew me a kiss. First of all I'm stoned and second of all he's a pitbull. Those aren't sexual dogs. So wtf.
I'm so hungry and so lazy that I'm seriously considering ripping into that packet of cream cheese in my nightstand.
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