I wonder if those guys know that i know that is a halfway house and dont just think it is some cool older guy frat house.
You were mumbling a lot and offered me 20 dollars to leave you alone
I want to break up with him.....but he has a george forman grill...like I need that
Your wedding's just one more day in my life I can't wear sweat pants.
The guy I met last night said we had a real connection and gave me his AA coin because he met me during his relapse
You know what I'm hearing? Blah, blah, blah, I have pneumonia, blah, blah, blah, I'm a quitter. COME OVER AND PUT YOUR PENIS INSIDE ME.
I got whiskey, so I think the blizzard and I are at an even match
That pizza at 1 am literally tasted like I was eating an angel
I'm dedicating this beer to drunk texting
Successful first night. Lost my phone. Front desk found it. Earthquake in wine country. Didn't feel it.
She is dumping me if she doesn't get a ring by Valentines. So one more month of free sex and it will be back to the right hand.
I deserve this hangover.
She just kept screaming and saying "fucking you is like fucking a mountain"
I could have sworn that I went home last night... but judging from the couch I just woke up on, apparently not.
Why would I want a relationship when I’m the side dick for my boss and a few women from the gym
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