he was drinking cheap vodka with warm tap water and a packet of crystal light. if that's not an alcoholic then idk what is
we need to find an occasion to wear tutus
well in DOG beers, i've only had one
Just face planted the stairs. Apparently Santa brought an extra step while I was at the bar... Fucking dick
I could go for watching some naked price is right. Looks like a good time to me.
last night on the strip the guy screamed at you YOU GOTTA WORK ON YOUR CALVES.
Like what did he say to his host family? The girl I causally sleep with on the weekends is coming over?! And they thought "well lets feed her dinner"
Well I had to use a seat cushion at Soul Cycle today so, yeah, I'd say the sex was good
This is the perfect outfit to do ketamine in, I must say
I woke up with a twisted ankle and was covered in lube. Not entirely sure what happened last night
Adderal can only make me focus so much. Your ass is stronger than my medicine. Congratulations.
The closest thing I've had to an orgasm lately is sneezing nonstop from fucking allergies.
I told you about the baby at the graduation party that looked into my eyes and knew I was empty inside
Talk all the shit you want but I slept in a oversized monster truck tire last night.
I ate at the cafeteria for the first time yesterday and today I think I had an hour long fart.
Randomize
