Let's bang like we're on a Lifetime Channel movie.
I just spent the last hour spooning with my drug dealer.
I did my dad and i had to keep going back there to pick up coffee
please read the first 4 words of that text and consider punctuation
So currently I have a block of cheese duct taped to my air conditioner in lieu of a fridge.
best friends dont let best friends get an STD of the eyeball just saying
no drinking for a week
if by week you mean tonight and by no you means yes
In lieu of flowers, please donate to The Hungover Children's Fund in my name.
We got caught having sex in the bathroom by my professor. In accordance with tradition, we still brofisted. I think my grade went up considerably.
You know my ex in high school who cheated on me and dumped me right before prom? A decade later, I just saw her again...working at an Arby's. it was a good day...
There two guys dressed as FEMA workers with jump-suits that say "Post-Disaster Breast Examination Division"
I just want to meet whoever runs the hall cameras
hahahaha I don't. Watch one day i'll be walking along and someone will stop me and say "oh you're that one girl who is out. of. control." But then they'd probably give me a high five.
You can't be friends with my side piece. Conflict of interest.
When a best friend shows up on a tricycle with a case a beer and goes "get on loser" you get on, because there is a magical adventure afoot
I'm warming McDonald's pies on my heater cause I'm too high for the microwave.
Don't do tequila. The Devil himself spits into shot glasses and we call it tequila. You will do bad things.
Randomize
