"Ever since I killed her kid she be actin' shady." Actual quote overheard at Marine World just now. Oh God.
I think most guys look at porn as a fallback career. I mean I know I do.
Nothing kills the mood more than a jesus song.
We should never set our expectations higher than pizza bagels cause then our night is bound to get better
I'm flagged. Drank strippers water. Flashed Dave tryin to get a job here. You order the shots. Green tea betch.
Holy shit, you lost your virginity on 11/11/11. Now every time someone fucks you, they can make a wish. Your vagina has officially been transformed into a wishing well.
I hit on her. So did Sarah. Neither of us got anywhere. I swear she's asexual. Like Switzerland.
I woke up at 5:47 in the morning to you peeing on my parents bedroom floor. I think we've established that you have a limit .
Bro. Some kids just drive-by judged the shit outta me.
This is true. I'm still having Jess write "no drugs" on my left hand and "except weed" on my right hand
drunk caitlyn doesn't know how to work gmail. so know an email has been sent to the entire campus with a picture of me naked eating a bagel attached.
She looked up at the menu and yelled this is my absolute favorite literacy
I was afraid someone would drug test my pants so you set them on fire.
like i got into his car and the beatles were playing. this kid is def getting his dick sucked
I got home and found him passed out in my tank top so i think i'll put lipstick on him and mass text a picture to everyone in his phone. that's what he gets for eating all my wheat thins
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