What do you call a girl with PMS and GPS?
A crazy bitch that WILL find your ass!
even my worst enemy doesn't deserve a bush like that
My tally is now official: I have been drunk every weekend since 2008. Cheers.
This lady in my dui class just asked what patron was. I feel like she doesn't belong here
i think i'd rather have a trophy of a like jizz stained curtain or something
The water bill last month was outrageous. We have got to stop fucking for hours in the shower
You had me sold at "fucking you down the slide"
Just so we're clear, that's a yes to the honey, but if you get marshmallow fluff anywhere near my body we are never doing this again
it's like if youve been living with the grinch for 15 yrs and then santa shows up with a big gift begging to fuck the christmas spirit back into you. no one can say no to santa.
I still have your make up all over the inside of my thighs from the face sitting. Free tonight?
No don't worry! What are obnoxious, alcoholic, slut roommates for if not for uplifting words and tales of my folly?!
it wasnt that bad
you tried to climb into my fireplace while screaming TO DIAGON ALLEY! we didnt even watch harry potter. it was bad
there is partying, then there is whatever we did last night.
Look at us. Planning our business meeting. Including snacks like shrooms & trail mix.
my mom is drunk and is trying to get me to take a picture of her ass. what is life?
Randomize
