i just woke up in a strange room and the first thing i saw was a chewbacca mask... wtf
so last night was fun and all.. but you might want to get tested
Do you ever think God made girls unattractive around their periods as a warning?
I just woke up in the coolest sweatsuit i have ever seen..it has cory's name on the tag...do we know a cory?
BIGGER SANDWIJH COME NIW OR DIE
I found your bra. How you get it off the satellite dish is your problem.
True that.. I am going to ride a gold plated unicorn across a field of cocaine and coach purses when I graduate.
That was beautiful.
Way to ruin everything
I am drinking jager with a cat, your argument is invalid
She has a tattoo on her inner thigh that's an x with a long dotted line. So after she passed out I signed it. Dunno what else I was supposed to do...
OH FOR FUCKS SAKE! SOMEONE TOOK ME FOR A GODDAMN PROSTITUTE!! IM WEARING LEG WARMERS!!! THAT IS LIKE THE LEAST HOOKERISH THING TO WEAR!
Mike showed up naked and in handcuffs. Again. Feel free to come over and laugh because I'm not helping this time.
you went to ralph's and bought all of their pears and left them outside my house
Sometimes I refuse to go through a door until someone holds it open for me because I'm a fucking lady.
My boobs smell like weed again. This happens way too often.
As your boyfriend, I'm gonna congratulate you on winning that fist fight. But as a cop, I have to tell you to not do that again.
Randomize
