come outside for a special surprise it involves huge boobs
I feel like Captain Blackout doesn't do her justice. Brigadier General Blackout is much better.
My entire floor is waiting for the couple to come out of the shower. She's a screamer. We've blockaded them
Going to pass out with da shoes on. hugging wallstreet journal from tuesday. please check me for liveliness in the morning.
I can't try on my wedding dress because someone is trying to commit suicide in the store. Is this a sign?
the plan is to continue having sex with all three of them until my birthday, and then once they've given me their presents, they can find out about each other.
Just seen a scantily clad pirate with 2 36 packs of natty ice on a bike riding with no hands. If she doesn't hit a speed bump she's golden and should be on the next Americas got talent.
we're on our way back. she tried to pants the waiter again.
I feel like I can hear facebook. What did we smoke?
He's in the hospital yelling at his brother to at least have stuck something "normal" up his ass.
Again?
When Vanessa's kindergarten teacher called me in because she was caught with her hand down some boys pants in the bathroom, I knew you babysat last week.
Whatever. I just want to indulge in this mcchicken and forget all about his tiny penis.
You punched me in the face while blackout. 20 min later I told you I'd been punched in the face and you yelled 'by who, imma go kill 'em!'
Apparently I thanked the paramedics over and over again for saving the "happy new year" beads that I was wearing
Where are you guys?
Drunk
Randomize
