we're microwaving frozen margaritas its not the same without u
At best buy, little boy just crawled into my stall while i was taking a shit
My fave moment of today was you sitting in a hot pink innertube puking into the ocean in front of a lot of children. i would have held your hair back but the ocean did it for you.
Remember when I peed in the trash can in the ATM room last night?
Never thought I'd say this, but thank god for my blackouts.
What I'm trying to say is, that time you chained me to my dresser and made me beg for it was incredibly romantic.
What is she getting? Last time we talked her behavior was conducive to getting a tramp stamp on her face.
I think drinking White Russians at half past four in the afternoon is perfectly acceptable. I'd bought a LOT of milk and cream that needs to be used up. Resourceful, check, fuckable, check. You have a great girlfriend here pal.
she comes in perfect pitch. hook up with more singers.
i've created a new STD.
Everything I own smells like cigarettes and victory right now. The smell is never coming out.
It was all good till you had ppl chasin shots of ciroc with fucking applesauce
The Australian strangers convinced me to leave him behind when they started chanting Aussie Aussie Aussie, Oy Oy Oy, and told me they had a bunch of beer at their place.
I don't intentionally mean to ruin relationships for personal gain but. Yeah nah I totally do.
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. She asked how my day was going and it got hard.
Went upstairs to make PopTarts, found the door open. Shut it. Saw a grey thing. Opened the door, found a girl sleeping outside. What the fuck happened last nigh
Randomize
