If he eats mayonnaise, he's not getting laid. End of story.
I just watched a blind kid buy from one of the vending machines on campus...guess there's nothing like a good surprise?
I faked it too. I just spit on your bed.
That weatherman I hooked up with is on TV again
I'm not going to need your "it doesn't mean you're a slut" pep talk after all.
I came home to my brother stoned out of his mind. He got a high score on COD and asked me to have a celebration yogurt with him.
You threw up with your ski mask on still.
I need to pay that drinking in public ticket, but I also really want to get a spray tan next week... so priorities.
I'm gonna take a nap by the fireplace and pretend like I know what day it is.
He kept sending me videos of his dogs while I was trying to masturbate. At what point does getting vagina-block apply?
I stepped in puke last night then washed it off my shoe with beer. Is there a grace period to respect before wearing them to class?
PLEASE HELP ME THE AMERICANS ARE YELLING ABOUT TURKEY, I DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO
No way hahaha I have zero intention of adding him I wanna just join in on a three some but mostly just be there for moral support and snacks
TSA found the edibles
Fuck
Oh my god he just. Swiped them for explosives and handed them back to me
God bless California
I feel like I got hit by a car. But a small car, like a Beetle or a Mini or something.
Randomize
