worms taste like bacon by the way.
I always wondered what they tasted like.
after a few more beers I realized that both my wife and I like Latin men.
this crazy girl in up in Dennys is going crazy because Bob Saget just texted her.
Had sex to a Lionel Richie song. I have a feeling I was conceived to it. Finally reached full circle.
After giving the pizza guy directions you told him to look for the big stupid looking kid outside in purple
Two questions: what are you doing RIGHT NOW? and do you know how to drive a golf cart?
You haven't had the true md experience until you've had your crotch grabbed by a drunk stripper with a snaggle tooth in front of your coworkers.
By getting lucky do you mean I get one of your incredible BJs or you not killing me by the end of dinner?
He wants me to hook up with his fiance while he watches. Text you later with how it goes.
Just to be clear, the only reason you're allowed to scream "COCKTAIL SERVANT" at bartenders is because you have nice tits
I didn't punch him it was just love coming out of my fist
Moonshine marathon is never a good idea
I would just like to say that I was the one who said that we should find scissors, when they were cutting your hair with a kitchen knife. I am responsible.
I still feel bad for it, even though I technically only videotaped it and helped will to distract the questioning neighbor
She was cute in her own little way. Shit, free taco's makes anyone hot.
I fucked her with a giant balloon tied to my dick. You tell ME how my night went
Randomize
