we literally spent four hours convincing you that all 5 of your toes were there. no more everclear on a tuesday.
the cops who came hadnt heard yet. when we told them they sang the star spangled banner with us
that's why you don't digest questionable powders from girls wearing tutus at a dirty club
I am now best friends with a lesbian named Zulu. I am pretty hammered already and made a game time decision to stay here another night,for partying purposes
And before you get all mad cause I said "nipples," I actually discarded "you are so wet right now" and "you have such a raging clit-on right now."
That's called being sensitive.
Okay! I've got my sketchbook, my purse, my coat, and a knife hidden in my cleavage. I'm ready for to meet my blind date~
Topenga is going to be back on TV. Finally my fantasy of her being a milf in junior high has come full circle.
Walk of shame dressed as a Christmas tree, it happened. Ho ho ho bitches
We HAVE another bedroom, it's not like I was gunna chain you into the closet. Often.
At no time is it ever okay for my doctor to compliment my tattoos, when giving me a physical exam.......
I almost got on a bus to Langley Air Force Base. 99% sure that's not where I wanna be.
Ugh. I'm going to die alone, sister. Half-eaten by one of my thirty-seven cats and clutching a martini shaker
Nope. I've found you care about two things in life: your momma and spreading your seed.
I just had a random tinder dude give me a ride home from school because my car is dead. Tinder rules! It's like Uber, but with boys who want to impress you.
i just want to die with dignity and clean teeth, is that too much to ask?
Randomize
