They left shortly after you claimed the dirty rug as your mattress and began alternating between singing "Dayman" and "Nightman"
walking in back of a girl wearing booty shorts, a halter and a bracelet that says trainwreck. I don't get it. The first day of nice weather and all the whores come out, are they like hibernating bears or something?
they ran out of ice so they are using frozen shrimp in their drinks
It got awkward when the girl working at planned parenthood continued to hit on me, after she knew about my STDs.
You spent about half an hour trying to convince me that mesh condoms were a good idea.
You were rubbing sand all over yourself and everyone else and claiming you were "EXFOLIATING."
just tried to puke while my RA was trying to puke in the stall next to me.bonded for life
Thanks for coming to the hospital with me, In return, I will buy you ecstasy.
Also, I imagined that his bacne was bubblewrap and that made it much more tolerable
What's the politically correct way of saying you've made someone your bitch?
i could've stared at her spine forever man..she was so deep, and she made a drink out of vodka and organic mangoo shit. i will find her and present that goddess with some fucking gummies
you're no longer allowed out of my sight at parties
All I vaguely remember from last night is getting up on that nice mahogany table and debating about squirrel's rights
AND WHAT FELONIES DID I MISS OUT ON WHILE SLUMBERING!?
I just got St Patricks day and the day after St Patricks day off, wich I'm pretty sure is as close to a raise as I'll ever get.
APPARENTLY I MISSED SOMEONE SWALLOWING A WHOLE BAG OF METH WHILE I WAS ON BREAK.
Randomize
