You remember correctly you did get a golf cart ride out but it wasnt because you were special. You were so smashed you were screaming tiger at random golfers in the middle of there backswing.
You watched "From Justin to Kelly" and sang along to more than half of the songs. I didn't know whether to laugh or to be insanely frightened that you knew almost all the lyrics.
Is there any way to un-invite somebody to a wedding? I just checked out the other family, and I can't have a cockblock there.
She liked every single Facebook status in her newsfeed and then made her status 'I LIKE U GUYS'
I managed to convince him it was his fault I cheated on him...he spent the last 40 minutes going down on me. I feel legendary.
he rolled over in his sleep, called me a hoe and then grabbed my crotch. some things never change, asleep or not.
he busted in while i was showering looked at me and said "youve lost weight bro, no homo" and started puking into the sink
You just want to fuck a girl in a dinosaur costume, don't you?
It's sitting in bleach right now. You will be the creepiest coolest dude in my book if you made a bracelet from my tooth.
There was a time I was reining queen of Sunday funday... And at that same time I also weighed 20 pounds more, had the morale of a spearmint rhino stripper, and woke up most mornings asking more questions than fucking Barbara Walters. I think I just wrote my own epitaph.
He is dating a girl who is on the Olympic shooting team...I've never been so scared to hit on a guy with a girlfriend in my entire life.
Oh my god and he smells like heaven wrapped in a beard of knowledge
Crying while I'm pooping. I think this is rock bottom
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
I'm basically the yoda of knowing when someone wants to sleep with you
Randomize
